by belle{A^}
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A while back, this one asked her two children if they would go outside and find a pretty flower for the bud vase. They pushed and shoved one another as they ran out the back door... this one believes that each of them having in their mind the perfect flower. It wasn't too long that she heard her daughters melodic wail. This one went outside to see what had happened. her son stood there with a thorny stem in his hand and petals all
round his feet. He is very quiet spoken, but this one could tell by the expression on his face that he was ripping his sister a new orifice. her daughter continued bellowing that he had ruined her perfect flower as she held a mangled sunflower in her small hands (one of those big ones that is typically planted in the back of the garden to feed the birds... her daughter is at the age where the larger it is - the better...hmmm or perhaps this is just a female thing).
In any event, each child perceived they had captured perfection. And being undisciplined children who are competitive, instead of appreciating and respecting the beauty of what each held in their respective hands... they wound up destroying. As adults, have we changed so very much? Do we unknowingly demean or destroy what we do not perceive as fitting in with the standards of perfection we have within our minds? Or that we feel threatened, that perhaps another’s perceived perfection might replace our own?
When this one was pondering what exactly constitutes perfection within her own mind, she decided that it can only be seen if the emotion love is added to the equation (slides on her rose colored glasses). Love allows her to see the strengths, flaws and frailties and still be able to see perfection. An example is a mother whose eyes are filled with unconditional love sees perfection in her children. she did the normal self examination, wondering if she is guilty of tearing down the perceived perfection of another or does she embrace the beauty of difference. she has to admit with great shame, that on occasion, in her blinding belief of her own position, she forgot to respect the position and beliefs of another. To respect and allow them to flourish within their own beliefs which is their right. And it is certainly something that she hopes others will allow her to do. she would like to thank aprell{Tzar}, fyrra{L}, kallah{E}, lira, neema and sephera{D}. Each have shared a great depth and a variety of perceptions, in regards to the concept of perfection.
Wishing all well,
I was asked to write this article by a dear friend. One that I met during an argument about a philosophical point. In our meeting, I attempted to show her where her thinking was wrong, as she attempted to show me not how my thinking was wrong, but how there was another "right". I learned a lot from that experience with her and have considered her a friend ever since. What does that have to do with perfection? Well, it is not about perfection per se, but the perception of it. There are two angles to our vision: inward and outward. The image that we see of others in our minds and the image we see of ourselves. As we look at others, we see things we ourselves would like to attain. An attitude, behavior, image, style... all *perceptions* of the person through our own eyes. All images that may or may not be there. Can anyone see anything past what the person allows us to see? Yes, many times we can see more, if we get close and become trusted by that person. What has trust got to do with perfection? Well, it has everything to do with it. Trust allows us to share, expose and even see within our own selves, our imperfections. Things we wish were different, wish to change, wish hadn't happened or been said. Many times it is distrust that causes us to feel the need to portray ourselves as perfect. Distrusting the ability of others to accept our weaknesses in our quest for perfection. It would seem that by getting closer that we would wish to give to the other knowledge of the good things about us, but in our imperfectly human way, the gift we offer is our foibles, our failures, our personal imperfections. It is in being close with someone, trusting them with our true self, that we feel comfortable enough to allow them to see the real us. There is a movie, Good Will Hunting, in which Robin Williams is a therapist. He speaks to a young man of his own late wife. He speaks of knowing things about her that no one else does, the peccadillo’s, the imperfections, that they were the gifts that he will always cherish. It struck home during that movie, that it was our imperfection, our humanity, that made us so wonderful to know. The phrase has been said, "If we all were the same (or perfect), it would be a boring world." Perfection. Something we seem so desperately to want to attain. We work towards it, push ourselves, keep our eye on the goal of perfection. Yet, does anyone not know deep in their hearts that they will never achieve it for more than perhaps a flitting moment in time? But still we seek it. We have two visions: inward and outward. Our inward vision, if we are honest with ourselves, shows many faults and imperfections. But our vision outward, displays to us things we wish for ourselves... only they reside in others. We cannot see inside, see them alone and in the dark, see them when they hide from the public world. They *seem* perfect to us and we strive to reach the ideals that they epitomize in our mind. This struggle for perfection is a good thing for it motivates us, keeps us going, points us in the right direction. But it can also become a bad thing. Sometimes, we can lie to ourselves, ignoring our own frailties and focusing on what we believe is good... in that struggle for perfection. This is when perfection becomes dangerous. This is when we create a self-perception of perfection. And in doing so, remove our own humanity. True perfection, is not in the absence of flaws. Perfection is found in the imperfections of humanity. Perfectly human. Perfectly who and what we are. Perfectly real.
When first contacted with the prospect of writing this piece, lira knew automatically which stance she would take. She was told the most basic of outlines, perfection of mastery, perfection in slavery, or perfection of society. This slave once wrote a post on the Gorean Public Boards entitled "Natural Order, Open to Definition?" The point that she attempted to express was that we as a culture, over thousands of years, are on a path. We have a destination, and lira in no way knows what that may be, but she can make assumptions. In all animals, of which humans are (albeit a bit more evolved than most others), there is a natural order between the sexes. It varies of course, female lions being less submissive than say, the domesticated female calico. A girl pondered that if this entire lifestyle is based on the underlying truth of natural order, then wouldn't the goal be freedom for women who are women to be women and men who are men? Women who understand the female inside of themselves and strive to rejoice in it? And if this goal is attainable, would collars even be needed once people understood life-stations and the simple truths of our animalistic tendencies? Hence, her choice to discuss the perfection of society. No more slaves, no more free women, no more masters? Just the basic knowledge that there are needs of sorts in women, and needs of sorts in men...and they are not the same? But wait, lira can almost hear the chattel cry, what about the fulfillment of our collars and brands?!? A girl would stand alone on a limb here, and state that the desperate need of most women that cling to the title of slave have been treated as the opposite of what they know they are their entire lives. What if we were born into our roles as women, surrounded by men not afraid to be men, in an anti-litigious culture and no titles involved? Would we be cease being the surrendering females that we are? A girl would say that we would not. However, would we still be happy as females in the power of men without the title of "slave"? This female would. Two months ago her answer would have been different. For two years she considered herself a Gorean slave. Then recently she was confronted with the argument that she can be a slave, and she can be the slave of a Gorean man, but she cannot be Gorean. After fuming and pondering, she saw the logic and began to change her view on the matter. Now, she agrees totally. She will continue to be what she is, no matter which title applies. The same logic stands. A slave is a slave is a slave, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. While she also believes that this would be true for men, it is a less involved argument. A Gorean man does not refer to himself as a master. It just is. It is for us to refer to them as such. But more importantly, would men find this mode of living as pleasing as placing the collar around a girls neck? Or would it still be as pleasing to see the beauty of the woman who accepts her station in life with open arms, recognizes herself as his inferior (for lack of a better word) counterpart? A girl drags herself back to her purpose with a smile here, perfection of society. Freedom of human expression, freedom of sexuality, freedom to be the persons that we are. This is the destination that lira would say fits her definition of perfection. Knowing who we are, allowing ourselves to shine as what we are. The rest would have no choice but to fall into place. Hopefully the slave lira's words have fallen pleasingly on your eyes and ears. She has to admit that it was a tad intimidating to submit her thoughts for all to read, but there is a freedom that comes with it. A confidence in ones thoughts and feelings, being confident enough to share with those that lira knows and respects as a whole. The opinions formed by a girl are always a work in progress and lira hopes that she has expressed herself well.
Perfect: The meaning goes on and on but we get the general drift. Now putting this together with a slave is there really such a thing? Would a Master want a perfect slave? Not trying to think on what Masters want or need she would think it would be very boring to have such a thing. When she was growing up she never has seen a darker skinned person in her life. Well she seen such a person when they moved to Canada. In her innocence she stared and even touched that persons skin. Today she is sure she would have gotten a slap, but back then it was not so bad to do that. Her mother told her this " on this earth there are many flowers, each flower with its own special look separate from the other. If they all looked the same would it not be a very boring world?" A girl thinks you could say the same thing about a slave. This girl does not believe that there is such a thing, then she does not think anything is perfect in this life. She likes to think one Masters failure can be another Masters treasure. Each Master seeing different things in each slave. At times some look deeper than others and see things no one else does. In saying this if a slave thinks they can be perfect they are perhaps striving for what they perceive as what is the perfect slave and not thinking of the Masters pleasure and what he thinks. A girl thinks be who you are be who you are, striving to improve yourself while fulfilling the direction and pleasures of your Master. A Master is the one to determine a slaves value she thinks so is there a perfect slave not to her there is not and thank god for that.
Taking the definition of perfection, this one then began to think upon what is perfection in a slave? Can one really attain perfection? A girl likes this part of the definition 'the highest attainable state or degree of excellence', so if it is attainable, in what aspect is it attainable? In all honesty it would be very hard to attain perfection in one lifetime, however, one can strive for perfection. For one thing, this one does not think you can get there in just a few weeks, months, or years. It is actually a long process, with many obstacles to overcome. And the desire to perfection has to come from within the girl herself. The girl has to want with every fiber of her being to attain perfection. It is helped along by her willingness to learn, to read and to grow in her slavery. How then do we strive for perfection? We do this by working on ourselves; constantly improving ourselves, changing bad habits, setting goals for ourselves. It sounds simple, but actually, it is not as easy as it sounds. Having said that, though, there has to be the realization that every Master and every slave is different. What one Master thinks is a perfect slave another will just as well think she is severely lacking. The thing is not to let these things get you down but keep on striving to be the best you can be. Each of us has talents, abilities, gifts that we bring with us into slavery, it is how we use these things in our slavery that makes us the uniquely individual girls that we are. Also, to attain that perfection within ourselves takes looking deeply into ourselves and finding the answers to why we are here, we cannot just stop at the point when we say that we are slave. What drives us to be such? A girl must think these things through. Then we can begin working on perfecting our slavery. A mistake this one sees many girls make, is comparing themselves to other girls, and beginning to think they can never accomplish such things as these other girls do. In that, they are short changing themselves. A girl must be herself, perhaps she is no great beauty, perhaps she is slightly overweight, but this one has learned that to many Masters this does not matter. And it is indeed surprising to her, as many men she has known that are not Masters seem to hold that these things are all that matters. However, a Master, wants to know the whole girl, not just parts of her, or the outward looks of her, but the entire person. What also surprises this one about that, is that in learning this, a girl will begin to feel more feminine and beautiful and this reflects outwardly and she indeed become more feminine and beautiful. One of the first things we learn as slaves is to be pleasing. Here then, is the best opportunity to work towards perfection. What does it mean to be pleasing? It means quite a lot. It just does not mean saying the right things at a given time or doing a serve just so or choreographing a dance. All of these things are pleasing but there is so much more to it. It means changing ourselves. OK so how do we do this? A girl has learned within the last year many things. One thing she has learned is that being pleasing and working towards perfection in all areas of her life has to first come from within her. A girl may read, listen to the words of the Masters and Mistresses she knows, get advice from other girls. But all of these things will not do her one bit of good until she gets past self. A girl can honestly say that six months ago she would have not been worthy of her Master’s collar. This one knows if she had of had his steel about her neck then she would have displeased him immensely and he would have released her within a few short weeks. This is because she was still focusing on her needs, her wants, herself. A girl had not gotten past that point. So first must come getting past self. Then comes getting past fears and inhibitions. Then comes looking at yourself honestly and seeing what needs changing in your life, whether they be habits or things about your outward appearance. Then you begin striving for perfection in these areas. In so doing you actually become more pleasing. A girl believes, we as slaves, we owe it to ourselves and to those we serve to strive for perfection. However she also believes that as individuals, we perfect ourselves in various ways. This one would venture to say that none of us are perfect, but we can still attain that perfection that we desire within ourselves. The final judge of whether we have achieved this perfection are the Masters we serve, it is really not up to us to decide. In closing, this one would like to say she believes perfection can come from one very special relationship. The relationship of the love Master/love slave. This is because they are the perfect match for each other. In each other they have found what they have long sought for. The dream of perfection, all the work done to perfect one self, has become a reality, in this one relationship. For one day as a girl is working on these things, un collared, a Master comes into her life. Perhaps she really doesn't like him much. Perhaps she thinks he is rather forceful and a tad bit frightening. But he continues to make his presence known, and one day, kneeling before him, she begins to burn with such a desire to be pleasing to him always, she peaks up at him in awe and amazement, her heart pounding in her chest, and whispers softly, Master. The girl has become his love slave. Thus the girl experiences a wonderful transformation. Her focus is on him only, the desire to please and serve him permeates her entire being. This then is perfection, in its purest form, the girl enslaved by her own love for her Master.
The perception of perfection is in of itself a paradigm. Who defines that paradigm? You do of course. It is a box within boxes. The personal interpretation from one individual to another that so widely varies in the light of each person's experiences. You could ask a dozen people and quite possibly come up with a dozen different answers. What this girl perceives as perfection involves many factors accumulated over a lifetime. Perfection is an ambiguous word, difficult to "pin down" with a neat tidy definition. This girl believes perfection to be a pie in the sky, or the hope of attaining the unattainable goal only to set oneself for failure. What is interesting to note is that in order to get something exactly right you have to be willing to try and try again and again and repeatedly get it wrong. The very qualities that drive people to seek such high levels of achievement in their pursuit of perfectionism often lead to their self-destruction as well. Perfection exists on a continuum with behaviors ranging from healthy to dysfunctional. More often than not people will tend to become paralyzed by the negative side of perfection, and lack the effective coping strategies necessary to be happy and successful on their own terms. Personally speaking instead of setting her goals upon perfection, she strives for excellence and self-actualization. Each person is unique, and comes with their own set of strengths and weaknesses. Having a weakness in one area can cause us to compensate and have strength in another area. It can be a catalyst for personal growth. It represents the greatest potential for personal growth. In her slavery fyrra feels that each girl brings every time she serves something that no other human being in history has ever done before, that is the unselfish giving of herself. Her own distinct personality, her own "voice", it reflects her character, and who and what she is all responding from her slave belly to those around her. She strives for excellence and that does not happen without a price. Knowing that excellence is not always an acquired skill but an attitude of the heart, and that is her perception of perfection, she is perfect in her imperfection. Her imperfection is what gives her balance and character it allows her to strive towards excellence.
Perfection. It is really a term we hear so much about but fail to grasp the meaning. Humans are by nature imperfect, though many of us struggle with the concept. We are assaulted with images in day to day life of the perfect body, the perfect skin, the perfect hair. We buy more expensive shampoos, we buy exfoliates and facial masks, and pore strips and cleansers. We spend hours in health clubs, out walking the dog, swimming in a pool, all for the advertising and clothing industries' latest view of perfection. What is really all so simple or easy is that, as slaves, particularly collared slaves, none of that truly matters, there is but one man, we must aim to please in all aspects, and it is for him we must strive to improve upon ourselves, for his pleasure and enjoyment. In interacting in channels, we see this shift however, away from perfecting the girl and more into perfecting the typing. In some aspects this does help the girl, in terms of expression and thinking, but it becomes such a focus on the actual typed expression or action that the development of the girl is sometimes pushed backwards. So much time is spent teaching how to serve a bowl of paga or greet properly or describe in words a position. kallah finds it puzzling that it is that way, when it comes down to serving that man in person, the focus is on serving him. Just as there are differences in girls, so are there differences in Masters. Some Master do not wish a girl to greet them directly, others wish a girl to drop and beg entrance. Some wish to leave her panting all the time and others wish to continually draw out her sexuality in other ways. The problem with an uncollared girl, is that she is drawn in different directions by these men as she grows. Her focus is dragged in one direction and then another and so much is altered slightly with the different men, that few changes happen in the girl outside on-line actions. It is truly a puzzle, as she will feel a sense of accomplishment in serving them, her belly will become more and more awake, however, the girl also will feel a sense of impossibility to it all. When in actuality the same things that so many Masters will discipline a girl for could not happen in real day to day life. It seems in on-line forum that it is more important for a girl to type greetings perfectly, than for her to truly feel she is slave when she greets. Before that focus is pulled to one man, in submitting and begging steel, a girl will wonder if she can ever leap the triple flaming loops of her belly. Kneeling at the feet of a man, close enough to smell him or hear his breathing, gives one a different perspective. It brings back the perfection of the philosophy, the simple basic beauty of the man being dominant and the woman submissive. Perhaps it all comes down to that, the simple beauty in the natural order. It seems to transcend the on-line serving of, "a girl lifts the bota letting the fluid swirl and rise in the bowl, pooling over top itself, as the bowl fills for his pleasure". The truth is no amount of flowery language can replace the simple grace of a slave rising to bring Master a drink or cook a meal. One is using a medium that can be perfected, text, in hopes of being pleasing, the other is using the raw grace of an imperfect girl to actually serve the drink or prepare the food, and simply be pleasing. It is true with most things we learn here, what is taken above and beyond is truly in the hands of the slave. Either this is important enough it is taken into her day to day life or it is not, but it truly is in that choice as to whether or not such is perfecting the girl or merely perfecting actions. A girl supposes it all depends on what one seeks out of this lifestyle and if it has ingrained itself so deeply in them, that they need more interaction day to day. For this girl, the time came when she needed to be at a man's feet, she wished to know that fear and excitement and draw it into her serving. kallah would draw this piece to a close with the words that on-line it is possible to achieve perfection, off-line the best a girl can hope for is to be pleasing. |