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By kaylee{G} Live the Questions “We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us from.” -Marcel Proust This is a quote kaylee has been using lately and she likes it because it just ... fits. kaylee has been thinking a lot about a few emails she has received in the past few months, asking for advice or questioning how to get a certain mindset. It’s difficult, because kaylee believes that the only person who can truly answer some of the questions is the person asking the questions. That is not always what the person asking wants to hear. It is particularly unsettling when a person is asking for validation for a choice that she has already made, under the guise of soliciting ‘advice’ and the other person starts a debate if kaylee doesn’t agree that she would have done the same thing in the same situation. It wastes kaylee’s time and theirs, and since kaylee’s time is her owner’s commodity, it is not her time to waste. Yet kaylee does try to take what time she can to offer her perspective and to answer as best as she can from her experience. She enjoys the chance to speak with other slaves, and the discussions can be interesting. Often, we both come away from the exchange with much to think about. With most of the questions she receives, kaylee usually responds by asking the other person questions so that she can find out the answer for herself, or kaylee asks if the person has spoken with her owner regarding this, because many times it is a situation where he is the one who determines how one will handle an issue. It is not that kaylee does not want to help or that she has forgotten what she felt when she was first starting her journey. But there is a part of kaylee that knows that the way she learned some of the most important things was by simply experiencing them. While at times the lessons were painful, those are the ones seared into kaylee’s memory, and the ones she will not forget. “...have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don*rsquo;t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” -Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet kaylee once found this quote and it helped her to understand that she was not always ready to discover all the answers to her questions... that sometimes, living the questions was what she needed to do to fully understand the answers sometime down the line. The quote helped her understand the benefit of patience, that sometimes the answers were not going to present themselves just because she decided she wanted to know them now. This lesson has also been instrumental in her service and in understanding that it is no longer her agenda that she lives by, but another’s. To those new to their chains, there is often a desire to learn as much as possible, as quickly as possible, in an effort to be as pleasing as possible and avoid the difficult- sometimes painful- parts. But those difficult parts often contain life’s lessons and repeating someone else’s answer doesn’t necessarily mean that it has been learned- only memorized. There is no shame in having questions that still have not been answered. When kaylee first started out, she did ask questions of others on occasion, and she is grateful that others took the time to explain their perspective. But the answers she received, many times- she could not “feel” them. As it turned out, they were not always the right answers for her- even though they were perfectly valid for those women who patiently answered her questions. kaylee doesn’t believe that there are ways to get many of the answers without experiencing all that goes along with it- as frustrating as that may be in this society which expects immediate gratification. She’s been surprised at the number of slaves who want the “short and quick” answers but don’t want to look within and find out her own personal truth. She rarely hears back from these women once they realize that there are some answers kaylee simply cannot give. “Truth not won is not possessed. We are not entitled to truths for which we have not fought.” -John Norman, Marauders of Gor, page 7 There is no list of “Top 10 Ways to be a Slave”. And questions are so highly personal and each of us are in different situations... that kaylee can’t imagine there is always a “one size fits all“ answer. She cannot answer the question of what someone else should do or how they should feel. All she can do is reply to what she has experienced and what she has learned- and the answers she has discovered for herself really only apply to kaylee. kaylee is not particularly wise, but the list of things that kaylee “knows for sure” is steadily growing as kaylee grows older. The reason she is so sure on these things is because she has lived them, experienced them, and understands that these are personal truths for her. This one is particularly grateful to her owner who allows her to experience the lesson as opposed to just telling her the answer, or who explains the lesson as kaylee is learning it. She will have to add that to her ever-growing list of “Thank you, Master”. Until next month, she wishes you well. kaylee has been the household property of Gabriel for over five years, and together they have shared their passion for writing on his website: www.gor-on-earth.com. Future topics, suggestions, feedback, and questions are always welcome. kaylee can be contacted at: kaylee@gor-on-earth.com |
