Editor’s note: The following was sent in by kessia{Sage} who has written many columns in the past. We’re happy that she could contribute the following. BennKar.

Fictional Irritation

By kessia{Sage}

Greetings Masters,
Greetings Mistresses,
Hello slaves,

Read a romance, and the fighting always leads to the magic bliss of true love. Read sci-fi and some miraculous weapon appears or the hero figures out the one little puzzle piece needed to defeat an enemy. Read a Gor book, and the relationships between men and women are remarkable simple, particularly once the woman is in a collar. On occasion I sit back after finishing such a book, glaring resentfully at a wall, wishing that life would miraculously click into a groove somewhere around page 452.

I just finished my umpteenth reading of Blood Brothers, slammed the book shut and sat back against the chair, harrumphing and picking my nails in total irritation. Once again, a girl gets collared, fights and rails against her collar, then almost by magic, releases all of her hurt feelings and resentment and finds joy in being enslaved. I slouched into the kitchen to begin fixing dinner, banging and clanging as loudly as I possibly dared, still resenting this happy twit in the book, trying to figure out what facet of this simplistic rendition of a male/female relationship was bugging me so.

Let it go.

That’s what it was. Joy in bondage was made so simple in the books because it was a life or death matter. Holding a grudge, harboring resentment, being bitchy because one has worked for days and days without help or rest could all be punished with some pretty extreme deterrents. Hey, if the price for smacking pans around was getting hung and whipped, I would be somewhat reluctant to do it no matter how mad I felt.

Obviously, here, the deterrents are extreme, but not ~as~ extreme. In the long term, most men really do want their girls to be happy and fulfilled, and a part of reaching that fulfillment is being allowed to express their feelings. Most of the long term Master/slave relationships I know of involve some permission from the Master to express resentment/irritation/anger. I smacked another couple of pans together and muttered some more, seething and considering.

Stakes were high on Gor, but the girls were blissful, without being allowed to clang pans together. Where in this notion is the stone of truth that completes the bridge between fiction and reality?

Behavioral psychology has shown us that acting out a certain emotion often leads us to feel that emotion. Slam pans and swear, and you end up feeling angry, even if you were perfectly content when you began the pot banging. In other words:

Let it go.

It was easy in the fiction because the stakes were high and external. Fear of being whipped bloody or sold to someone worse would probably motivate me to jog cheerfully in the desert alongside a weird looking, awful smelling animal too.

In reality though, letting go is not done out of fear of punishment but as an act of will. The will to please, the will to serve, the will to do better drives us to be as blissful and blithe as that dippy girl in Blood Brothers. The advantage that reality offers over the fiction is that will motivates longer and more deeply than fear. Fear is primary, just as food is; primary reinforcers only work as long as they are consistently present. Secondary reinforcers are non-survival based, like the sight of a man smiling in pleasure. They feed our higher emotions and don’t need to be consistently presented in order to continue to motivate.

I quietly set the last of dinner on the table, turning to endure his dark glare. He scowls harder, not happy at the symphony of stainless steel, and asks acidly “Feel better?”

I think the breadth of the smile I offer surprised him. His face changed from irked, to puzzled, then finally he smiled back, not really understand what odd girl thing happened, but glad to see he had a good girl again.

“Yes, Master, I do.”