Once apon a time a curious girl wandered into the land of Gor. There she found many friends online and off. She found a whole new philosophy that fit some undefined yearnings within her soul. She threw open her arms and abandoned herself to this world and its precepts, and moreys, and quotes and strange language. She tried to learn everything there was to know; believe everything there was to be believed; defend any points there were to defend to an outside world that raised eyebrows at her new way of life. She finally found what made her whole. She was Gorean damnit. No offense to the Free, but her stance was almost that of a Freeperson to a homestone. But then she found out that she was not Gorean.

That was a shocking statement wasn’t it?

Well, it is true depending on how you look at it. There has been debate upon debate concerning whether or not a slave can consider herself "Gorean" in the same sense as a freeperson. There has been debate upon debate concerning whether or not a slave can consider herself anything at all even if she has no current master to dictate her status. This one is not re-opening said topics from a philosophical viewpoint but a personal one since slaves continually wonder if they are Gorean and if so, what exactly that means.

When this one first began learning about Gorean philosophy her primary interaction was online. There, it was easy to walk the walk and talk to the talk, as it were. Even when obediance moved offline to some degree ("get off the computer and go to bed NOW, slave!"), it was still easy to comply and it was still within the veins of the Gorean world this one inhabited. Even when Master and slave met for those long weekends and vacations it was easy to bow to the master. She wasn’t totally aware of it then but whenever she "obeyed absolutely" there was always the thought in the back of her head that it was only for the week, weekend, whatever. After Master went home, mickie could go right back to ordering her own life as she saw fit within the barriers that Master imposed long distance.

Being gorean was clear and easy. She was flying high on being Gorean. She was truely gorean. She defined herself by being Gorean. She was going to live as a Gorean doing Gorean things and quoting Gorean philosophy for the rest of her life.

And then she was summoned to live with Master.

The first several weeks she told herself that life was wonderfully Gorean. She tried to do and say all the right things. The few times an issue would come up that put a twist in her plans, she would run to the books and start spouting Norman. Ever see one of those slaves in a chat room that won’t do "X" thing because "that’s not the way it’s done in the books" and nevermind what the resident Freeperson says? Well, Master had his hand full correcting and directing a real life slave like that. Only sometimes the books didn’t have an answer. Or the answer it had didn’t really translate to earthly living.

In the books, slaves owned nothing. Anything they owned prior to enslavement was lost, or overturned back into the family. This one owned stuff. Was she supposed to sign over her car to Master? She had student loans but Master didn’t want her to work--was she supposed to let her credit be ruined if Master didn’t choose to cover debts incurred before he took over her care? This one trusts her master in all things, but she couldn’t sign over her car to him if she wanted to--its not paid for yet.This one couldn’t get over the fact that she has to think of retirement, etc. What about her 401K money? Was she to give that to Master too? According to the books, yes. According to earth...

Stupid issues like that kept cropping up. Now this one is anal retentive and likes all i’s dotted and all t’s crossed. These were loopholes in the philosophy that she simply couldn’t reconcile with life on earth. Whenever she would question the free (and she means the free with the reputation of being "real time") about these things she got one of two responses: 1) do it like the books or you are NOT slave; and 2) do it however your master says it is to be done SINCE you are slave.

Now, this one’s master may or may not be strange. He’s decidedly gorean in philosophy but not terribly gorean in action. Mostimes, this one doesn’t serve his coffee kneeling. She sleeps in bed with him instead of elsewhere. Calling him "master" is not a requirement all the time. This one is not subserviant to all men (just all gorean, or gorean-like men). This one doesn’t live in fear for her life if she has a temper tandrum.

This one’s master loves her and tells her. He can be kind and sweet and gentle in his own way. He indulges her whims often. He doesn’t feel it necessary to be extra strict with her because of his feelings for her--which seems to be a standard mantra of the philosophy. There are a lot of aspects of the household that are in this one’s hands exclusively. There are times when this one gets to "have her way" with him sexually. There are times when this one gets to bully him immercifully.

Now all this sounds very normal for earth society but maybe not so normal for a gorean household. However, there is a flip side to this coin that is not so apparent. Master doesn’t necessarily want his household set up to mirror a passage in a book. He simply wants things as he wants them (a very gorean attitude) which includes his slave in jeans instead of silks (not very gorean).

As far as working and paying off old loans, he took on those extra bills with full knowledge when he took this one to his house. He decides when this one works and when she doesn’t, so he pays her bills when he wants her home. Her retirement money stays intact but he must approve all decisions involving it. Her car is still in her name but again, he is in control of what is done to it or who drives it. If he should ever tire of this one, he cannot throw her to the urts and he cannot sell her to another to guarentee her care so he arranges to have "her" property so that she can care for herself should that situation arise (Priest Kings forbid). However, he has all the information neccessary and also overrules her suggestions concerning this property enough for her to know implicitly that SHOULD he consider doing so, he could wipe this one out and send her packing back to her parents without even a train ticket.

As far as serving, sleeping, and addressing is concerned, this one does as he wishes. She cannot help if he doesn’t wish to follow the books exactly in these respects. As far as not being subserviant to non-gorean men not known to him, he simply doesn’t care what those men think--but if this one gets in over her head he doesn’t rescue her either. She takes whatever lumps she’s got coming and then usually one or two from him for having caused trouble elsewhere. This one may not fear for her life when she misbehaves, but she does fear for her derierre nevermind that whole belly "lord, she’s been displeasing" thing.

This one is grateful and NEVER takes master’s feelings for her for granted. The gift is too precious. Sometimes she’s afraid to even breath in the face of it in case it is taken away. Any gentleness and/or indulgences are also clearly understood to be gifts. This one learned long ago not to question the giving of a gift, only to be thankful for it. This one may have full charge running the household but she does it on an allowance and she accounts for everything she spends or does. The times when he is passive in bed (well, he only gets SO passive) its the nature of a gift to mickie--allowing her the endulgance of his body at her own pace and preferences. Besides, he knows if she is enjoying herself, he is sure to do so. And, the only time she can get away with bullying him immercifully is when he is dog-sick. He’s one of those men who do not take being ill well. Bullying him is the only way to get him to take care of himself. He recognizes it and puts up with it--until he’s well again. Then, mickie usually has several weeks of abject subservience to make up for it.

These differences between the life she lived with Master and the life portrayed either in the books or by the more hardcore, real life Goreans sent this one into a dizzying abyss of circular logic: she is gorean, but she isn’t living like a gorean slave so is she really gorean? But she is gorean, master is gorean, so why ...her brain hurts just writing this.

She went through a period not long ago where she re-doubled her efforts in finding out how a slave acted. She’s got a whole database of quotes on slave topics like what jewelry and clothes to wear, what places to perfume, what sexual tricks to use and on and on. She’s even got files and folders of where to take belly dancing lessons, all the positions in the karma sutra and on and on. She’d show them to master and he’d shrug and say something to the equivalent of "that’s nice now go get me some more coffee."

She went through another phase of thinking that she couldn’t possibly be gorean--not like the books. She thought she should just back out of the whole thing and go back to being a regular earth woman. She even pulled out of all chat and most online relationships trying to prepare for re-entry into earth’s atmosphere. However, she simply cannot exist without her master and there was no way he was going back to earth. That was not a fun period.

The thought of living without him finally cleared the atmosphere of circular logic with the final answer of: mickie is not gorean--mickie is Daniel-ean. This one simply does as he wishes her to do--gorean or not. She feels as he wishes her to feel--gorean or not. She loves as he wishes her to love and serves as he wishes her to serve. If any Freeperson came along and said (and a few have) "if you do x, y, z then you are not Gorean and neither is your master" --so be it. Mickie may not be Gorean but mickie IS Daniel’s property. Shoot, neither Tarl Cabot nor John Norman could convince this one to be any different than how her master wants her to be.

So mickie really no longer cares about the finer points of the Gorean lifestyle and philosophy other than as an academic exercise. And, mickie no longer defines herself as anything other than belonging to Daniel.

But then, for a slave, isn’t that the most gorean one can be?