Lady Fox sends:

WHY DID THE VULO CROSS THE ROAD?

UNCOLLARED GIRL: to check out the roosters on the other side
KAJIRA IN TRAINING: to find the scroll on how to lay eggs
RED SILK: to gracefully saunter and sway its voluptuous plumage
PASSION SILK: it felt its vulo belly
WHITE SILK: out of love for the ruler of the roost
BLACK SILK: it felt displaced by the new chick and seeks to spiral to its death from the top of the Falls
TALUNA: because it is wild, free and attempting to cage it will get your eyes scratched out
FREE WOMAN: Where was the vulo's Master?
MASTER: curiosity is unbecoming in a vulo
TUCHUK: Giving a vulo the same dice as a tarn is ridiculous. The tarn would out run the vulo every time!
PURIST: vulo's never crossed the road in the books. In book XXXIV, Vulo of Gor Norman says.....
BARBARIAN: What's a Volvo?

author unknown

sent by avril

Things Dogs Must Try to Remember

• · I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet
  
• · The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff
  
• · I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table
  
• · I will not roll my toys behind the fridge
  
• · I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house
  
• · I will not insist on eating regurgitated food
  
• · I will not eat the cats' food before or after they eat it
  
• · I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I need to pee
  
• · I will not paw through the dry dog food bag. There is no prize
  
• · I will not throw up in the car
  
• · I will lick my human's face after eating animal poop
  
• · I will not stick my nose into my human's back end when out among other people
  
• · The diaper pail is not a cookie jar
  
• · I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose under her blanket
  
• · When in the care, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside
  
• · I will not try to mate with another dog while on a leash held by a human
  
• · I do not need to sniff between any human's legs when they are sitting down
  
• · We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
  
• - I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it
  
• · The sofa is not a face cloth. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps
  

sent by: Asaria of Thentis

: : You know You spend too much time in Gor: kajira point of view

• : : you go to a friends house and beg for entrance...kneeling on their doorstep with your hips in the air, forehead to the ground, arms outstretched and fingers splayed...
• : : when friends come over and ask if you have coffee, you respond with 'would You like that first slave or second Master/Mistress'
• : : when entertaining friends, you take a long time searching for cups or what not, inspecting them and licking the rim, then polishing them with a clothe or the hem of your shirt
• : : in a conversation someone says the word lap and you respond with 'as You wish Master/Mistress' and hop in their lap with a grin
• : : one finds oneself speaking in third person r/t....or putting away one's best china all on the highest shelf in the kitchen!!!

sent by Viga

A tharlarion drawn wagonload of Cosian spies were beating a hasty retreat from Ar, when they approached a sharp bend in the road. The speed at which they were traveling forced them to lose control of the wagon and it overturned, spilling them for quite some distance in various conditions along the road.

Several hours later, an armed patrol from Ar came upon the scene, and saw the wrecked wagon, the tharlarion milling about, and a great deal of blood about, but no bodies. The officer in charge noted however, a farmer plowing his field nearby, so he questioned him.

"Tal citizen, did you see what occured here?"
The farmer replied, "Tal warrior. Yes I did. It was a terrible accident. 7 Cosians crashed their wagon. It was awful"
The officer asked "Where are the bodies?"
The farmer replied, "I thought I would do everyone a favor and bury them."
The officer then asked, "Are you sure they were all dead?"
The farmer shrugged and said, "Well, some of them said that were still alive...but you know how a Cosian will lie to you."

Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers. "Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"

"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.

Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"

The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said politely before returning to his reading.

Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like pussycats?"

With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before.

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you know my name was 'Katz'?"

Kajira Coping Rules sent by velith

 1. You must strive to be pleasing every day.  If it is not your day, trust 
     that you will please the sleen for lunch
 2. Always avoid displeasing a Master, as your butt makes a nice 
     whooshing sound as it flies out the door.
 3. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through 
     a suitable application of quivering  slave flesh.
 4. Tell a Master what you need, and he'll tell you what you can have.
 5. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're 
     the statue.
 6. Needing a Master is like needing a tarn.  If he isn't there the first time
    you need him, chances are you'll make a nice impression in the ground.
 7. Masters don't have attitude problems.  Kajirae have perception problems.
 8. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the X key.
 9. Do not meddle in the affairs of Masters, 'cuz, you are crunchy and 
     taste good to sleen.
10. Never argue with a Master.  They drag you down to the post and 
     whip you senseless.

sent by miri{MS}

A young beautiful free woman was brought to the home of her future free companion. As the meal was being served, she found between the extensive travel to get there, and the assortment of food, her stomach was upset, gaseous.

She sat there for a time, and finally, couldn't stand it any longer, and as she was speaking to the Ubar, the potential free companion of the young lady, she eased out a small *poot*. It wasn't loud of course, but loud enough, that everyone heard it, including her future companion.

"Ginger!" He called to his partially deaf slave that lay curled near the Mistress. The future Ubara thought... Oh, how wonderful, he'll blame his property. So the next time she had a pain, she let another one out that was a little louder, and much longer. "Ginger!!" the Master called to the deaf slave, who was still laying devotedly as she was told near the visiting Mistress, her mind focused on being pleasing.

The visiting free woman, a few short moments later, was racked with a terrible pain, and let out a long train whistle style release, smiling the whole time, knowing the slave would be blame, already preparing to sell the girl off as soon as she could. The Ubar stands up and literally shouts at his faithful, if deaf slave...

"Damn it Ginger, Get your ass over here before she shits on you next!"

sent by miri{MS}

In the dark jungle there stood two Warriors. An unlikely combination of a Warrior of the scarlet caste, a Warrior of Ar, and a Kur.

They were being very still as they watched a wild beautiful slave girl running erratically through the woods, the sound of sleens in the background. The warrior turned to the kur and grinned, "I sure would like to have a taste of that piece of slavemeat."

Quicker than he could see, the Kur, throw the lance and pins the girl to the ground, bounding over, he grabs her in his large jaws, and returns to his companion. Dropping the dead girl to his feet.

In growls and a rough voice, he replied, "You want to take the time to cook her? or just have her to go?"

The Tool

This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 8 inches long. The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes. Is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and small hole at the other. In use it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some of from its long glistening shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less. What am i???????

As you may have already guessed, the answer to the riddle is none other than your very own..........

What were you thinking?