One girl's entrance to this path......

I had installed the software from my Internet Service Provider on my PC. It had a program called mIRC that came with it. I thought oh this will be cool to talk to people all over the world. I signed on and did a channel list. A name of a channel jumped out at me. It was called Silk&Steel. I had no idea what to expect, and was actually horrified at what I did discover. Females being treated like animals and doing a man's bidding. It took me about 10 minutes to pick my lower jaw up and start typing my thoughts in the channel. 'What is wrong with your legs?' ( I said to a Master ) Of course I didn't last long. A channel op kicked me into next Tuesday ! I don't recall messaging him again that day, but I did keep a contact with him.

I started going back in there again. As a Freewoman - I well learned how to keep my mouth shut with my ignorance, being kicked frequently. At the time I had no clue what drew me to this place. I would come around for awhile, till one of the Masters would size up my neck. Then I would run away to another Gorean channel where they allowed me to be free. Between the two places I roamed.

Then one day I realized that I was not happy, like an unsatisfied feeling. ( Still not understanding ) so, I spoke of my desire to leave Gor to a Master... He talked me into giving it more time.... (should have had some kind of clue that I was submissive right there ) I really will always be grateful to him, in fact, because I would have never known my belly at all if I had of left. ( I never got a chance to thank him ) He took me to that other place that I always went, stagnating - You may all think this is a strange way for a female to discover her belly, but it is true. One time I made a bet... my part of the bargain was if I lost that I would have to submit to a man for a week. Well I lost the bet. ( with hindsight I am happy that I lost it ) I was so scared... but I went to a slave and asked to be taught how to kneel. During that lesson, I felt the desire to please for the first time. I truly wanted and yearned to do this. ( was shocked ) I was so looking forward to paying off my bet.

Well, something happened and the man didn't come back when he was suppose to, but each day that he was gone, I would watch the other slaves, and I would feel my desire growing...I am not sure at what point that my want and desire turned into a need... but it did. I didn't just want to, I needed to. So, I submitted to a man - of course I was so young to my belly, and I still am... I continued to have the desire to please, but I had never truly felt my belly for a Master... well, one day I did feel my belly flutter for a Man - I couldn't breathe right, my body was hot, I was tingly and trembling. Yet I never said a word to Him ! ( that scared me more than actually admitting that I was submissive ) so, I just continued on with the desire and not truly knowing anything, just that it felt wonderful to please.

I wore a few collars, but none of them had ever truly taught me my belly - I didn't really know what it was like to be owned then. Then the time came that I had no choice but to submit to this one Man - ( I really feel as if I had no choice in the matter ) and what a joy to discover the feeling of being owned. I would often see slaves saying that they really felt more free than the Freewoman - I never understood what they meant until I learned what it was like to be totally dominated. And I know that many of you know exactly what I mean. Some of you don't, but you will learn it.

Well, I served this Master and I learned very much, and I will always be thankful to Him for teaching me my belly... I can't imagine being anything but a slave now... It is the most wonderful alive feeling to kneel at a Man's feet that totally possesses you. The control is something that I crave, I am sure that all slaves feel this. I will always seek to learn more about my belly... I have so much to learn. Why would I deprive myself of something so joyful ? It just makes sense to me to be what makes me the happiest... a slave. I am still frightened at times of my submission, we are so vulnerable. But, I guess the only comfort that I find at times for when I am down is the knowledge that I am a slave. It is a constant. When I think about it, sometimes I wish I had known my belly years ago, but then perhaps I wasn't ready for it before now... I now travel this journey alone, but I can't just walk away because somewhere further down the road I know that I will belong again. Besides, my belly wouldn't allow it.

And another.............

The realization that I was slave was slow for me. At first I thought all I had were kinky sexual fantasies involving control , bondage, taking orders. I had no idea that there were others who fantasized this sort of thing. The fantasies were only of a sexual nature.. bedroom games, scenes in the bdsm world. When I went on-line about 5 years ago, I discovered the world of bdsm in a chat room called bdsm-dungeon on Aol. What a revelation it was for me to know there were others who shared my fantasies! I learned, grew, talked to Doms and subs alike.. but hesitated to dash off and experience all of this erotica firsthand. After all, it is a dangerous world out there, and trusting somebody I met on the keyboard seemed a foolhardy thing to do.

After several years of dabbling with submission on-line I took the plunge, and met a Dom and his submissive wife. It was a wonderful experience for me. My first flogging, clamping, suffice it to say, lots of firsts.. and they made me want more. While I was visiting with them I went on-line with the submissive. She was owned, serving in a gorean channel called Silk&Steel. As I watched, part of me said "what silliness.. what on earth is paga? And why would anybody want to pretend to serve it?" Another part of me was drawn like a magnet to the Men I saw. Strong, Powerful, Self-assured, not looking for validation, and certainly unable to be topped by a girl who wanted HER pleasure. It was there, in Silk&Steel that my slave belly was born. I had come home to who and what I was - female, whose sole purpose was the pleasing of Men.

Yes, this is what I had fantasized about. It was not about the trappings like floggings and clampings, it was not about a scene, it was about a life of submission. Submission of the most inner recesses of who I am. As much as it drew me, it repelled a part of me however. How could I ever submit all of who I was to another? I was a closed person, highly protective of parts of myself that had suffered emotional abuse as a child. I never let anybody *too* close.. how could I ever offer all to a Master? Fortunately for me, the right Master for me spoke to me one night, and my belly responded with a fire that shook me to the core of my being. I knew, without a doubt that This Man could teach me to offer all that I hid so carefully from the world. Was it easy? No, but then nothing worthwhile ever is.

I liken my growth as a slave to the peeling of an onion.. as each new layer of is shed, bringing more and more vulnerability, the fire inside of me grows to replace the old fears and insecurities. It is a matter of trust, of communication, and of courage and commitment for both the Master and the slave. In my two years as a Gorean slave girl I have grown leaps and bounds. At some crossroads I have doubted my ability to walk this path. A year ago my husband of 13 years claimed me as his slave. The struggles I have had since that day have been larger and more seemingly insurmountable than anything I faced before. I have surmounted however, under the guidance of a Master who insisted that I not quit. When my own courage to strive to be kajira was not enough, he lifted me and carried me through until I was strong enough to strive once again. So today, I am privileged to kneel as a slave to my Master, the man who always owned my heart as a husband, but who now has claimed the recesses of my mind, has heard my fantasies, my desires and, by looking at slavery through the eyes of a girl whose belly truly burned, found himself ignited to free the Master within himself. We burn together, for all time. Which to my way of thinking, is as it should be.

And yet another..........

I can honestly say that I never would have understood this side of myself, these feelings of desiring to submit to a man, (which is so contradictory to societies dictates), and how right and perfectly natural they are, had I not come to the Silk&Steel Tavern. The Silk&Steel Tavern is where it began for me. I was fortunate to be collared there, about a month after my arrival and many hours with the Master that would collar me. It was a special day for me, one I won't soon forget. It was the beginning and there is a long way to go.

I have also been fortunate to have the guidance of a Master, who has helped me in many ways. He has lead me through examining the many facets of my character, the many needs, feelings and desires that have been lurking somewhere just below the surface of my consciousness. Oftentimes, I have fought accepting what I have found, not purposely, but accepting how vulnerable you are and exposing yourself so completely is not that easy. However,in contrast, I have found a certain strength too, something I never thought to find, never planned to find, and truthfully never wanted to have to learn, and that is the ability to maintain the desire to be slave even in the absence of a collar. Granted, it isn't always easy, and sometimes I falter..... but there is a NEED, not courage, to continue on seeking.....hoping....yearning to kneel at a Master's feet and have that feeling of completeness, that feeling of a girl being in her place.

a girl's thoughts......

sasha thanks the girls that shared their inner-most feelings with her. Each girl of Gor is an individual, as they have so eloquently demonstrated. Each girl enters Gor from a different view, and their initial experiences are as varied as they are. But, the common thread one sees over and over is the change that takes place inside a girl. In her heart, her soul. As she comes to the realization of her slave-self there is a dichotomy in her feelings, as her earth self and slave self struggle against one another. This never truly resolves. But, with learning and growth, comes the realization that there is no other choice for them. They are slave and their proper place is at the feet of a man. It matter not where or how a girl discovers Gor and the truths learned there. A sincere girl cannot help but be affected by the insight she gains. Unfortunately, due to life circumstances, many girls lack the opportunity to fully experience what they crave. The fact remains, that a girl who is honest with herself and her feelings takes what she learns into her everyday life as best she is able to do so at the time. For many of us, Gor and the philosophy it teaches is a life-changing experience. sasha is grateful.