Alone one night, both Zeb and Bear
Gazed round their empty pub
The alcoves still, the tables bare
This seemed a boring club

Bear forlornly counting coins,
Zeb itching for a fight
Both agreed their aching loins
Needed relief tonight

But alas around the place
Was not a slave to f***
So Zeb looked up with earnest face
And said "Let's try chain luck!"

Bear agreed without a slave
His profits were a loss
And so they vowed both grim and grave
To steal a wench from Cos

To the tarn cot Zeb then led
His friend from long ago
Bear looked upon the tarn with dread
Said "I don't think I'll go..."

But Zeb resolved that he would bring
Bear with him for the ride
So he picked him up to rudely sling
Bear on the tarn astride

Laughing, Zeb mounted the beast
And pulled back on the reins
Bear promptly lost his dinner feast
To thank Zeb for his pains

The journey long and arduous was
Before they reached their goal
But Zeb and Bear pushed on because
Debts left them in the hole

At last they reached the shores of Cos
And scouted from above
The women there seemed unfit dross
Unsuitable for love

But empty-handed they could not
Return home from their quest
So they picked a likely spot
And vowed to do their best

A free Cos woman ambled by
Robed rich from top to toe
Zeb launched the tarn to fly right by
As Bear grabbed the gal below

But they had misjudged her size
Bear hardly had a grip
On the enormous woman’s thighs
And he started to slip

Zeb quickly flew into the sky
Dodged arrows from the ground
While Bear did desperately try
To grasp the female round

Tarsk-like did she scream and squall
And kicked Bear in the face
He dropped and almost let her fall
She was saved by random grace

As the irksome woman fell
Her arm looped through Bear’s belt
And pulled him down also until
"Zeb! Help!" the merchant yelt

Bear was left dangling by a foot
Inside the stirrup caught
Beneath him hung the heavy beaut
Who shrieked and struck and fought

She clung onto the belt of Bear
And skimmed the waves below
Zeb found the tarn could hardly bear
Her weight - and so flew low

In this configuration odd
They flew across the sea
They could find no ready sod
No landing site to see

Bear hung sickly upside down
The Cos-y woman on his belt
Zeb tried hard to naught but frown
Though mirth was what he felt

But then a sea-tharlarion
Snapped at the woman’s feet
The tarn nearly fell thereupon
Zeb almost lost his seat

But the water creature spat
And spewed upon the taste
Of the shrill and wailing brat
Descending from Bear’s waist

And so escaped their dire fate
Lucky Goreans three
And finally, bedragged and late
Reached the end of the sea

To Port Kar Zeb flew the bird
To rest upon the land
Then grabbed the big female nerd
With mighty, heavy hand

From her shrieking gasping face
Zeb tore away her veil
Then stood horrified in place
As he and Bear turned pale

"Egads!" Bear cried, "I cannot bring
This girl to Silk&Steel!
I know now why this awful thing
Failed even as a meal!"

Zeb pointed out "We’re in Port Kar,
Let's sell her to a slaver.
For a slave too low for those of Ar
The seamen here might savor."

So to the lowest market there
They brought the hapless chit
Departed then the tired pair
With a paltry tarsk bit

Sadly back to Ar they flew
No single slave in tow
But when they got back home they knew
What all true men should know

The slaves mean nothing after all
If a man has a Home Stone
Though, slaveless, business profits fall
At least Zeb and Bear are home