One of the eternal questions of people who live any unusual or easily-misunderstood lifestyle, is whether and how to present their choices to their family or their close friends. This letter, from a slave’s point of view, might help some who are struggling with finding the words to approach their families with...

Dear sister:

I know that you have noticed that my life is different from yours, and that my relationship is not the same as most of the relationships we see in today’s society. Since you have asked me about the personal choices I have made, I hope to explain to you what I see as my personal truths and why I have willingly become the property of a Gorean man.

I believe that women and men are inherently different, that they have different biological and emotional makeups. I know they have different motivations and ways to communicate. I don’t see that as anything earthshatteringly new- John Gray has built a fortune on those Mars/Venus books. And looking back, over history, you can see the roles of men and women, and how they naturally fall into position. That’s not to say that I think men are superior to women, or that women are inferior. I simply think the two genders are different, and instead of trying to make everyone equal, we should celebrate the differences and enjoy each other’s strengths.

What I have learned is that I don’t have to compete with men to prove myself. I don’t have to deny that feminine side of me that I suppressed for so many years, for fear that it would somehow make me weak. I can enjoy being a woman, and revel in it. I don’t believe that society should dictate to me what and who I should or shouldn’t be. Only I can discover that for myself. Nor will I attempt to force anyone else into the lifestyle I am living- everyone has to make their own choices, just as I have.

I know your first reaction was surprise, as you know how strong willed I am. Can you understand I have met men so strong I cannot help but kneel? They don’t need to push me down to make themselves stronger. It occurs as a natural response, because of the woman I am, because of the men they are. I know most men are not like that these days, it is precisely that reason why I worship the man who is so much. He has his sense of honour and personal accountability, he does not permit manipulation, and he is in control of himself. How rare is that for the men of today’s society?

I believe in personal accountability. I believe in being who and what you are. I don’t think that is so different from you. *smiles* This isn’t about kinky sex, or about me running from responsibility. It is about strong men, and how I respond to them. It is about being honest, with myself, about myself, and having the courage to admit what I see to others.

I know that some would argue that this goes against women’s liberation. I disagree. I believe that all women should have the ability to choose to pursue whatever makes them happy. Women’s liberation should be about giving women the right to make their own choices, and this is what I choose. I have found my happiness comes from kneeling at a man’s feet, and will pursue that with no regrets. I am not brainwashed, nor mindless. You know me better than that. And you know I am not lacking in self assurance or esteem. What I am, finally, is happy.

Embracing slavery is not about weakness. If I were weak, I would take the easy way out, and deny my nature and gender the way society tells me I ought to. I would sacrifice my own needs and wants on the altar of non-confrontation and conformity. I would not search deep inside me for the internal strength to bare myself, vulnerable and exposed, to others. I would hide behind an external shield of false bravado, and lock away my soul. I would deny my personal accountability for my own actions and decisions. That would be the easy, weak way.

How strong must one be to look inside and embrace what society deems as weak... and to accept it and pursue it anyway? How strong must one be to accept correction, taking it to heart as a lesson, instead of getting defensive? My inner strength comes from truth, in knowing who I am, and what my purpose in life is. My life is devoted to pleasing him. It is fulfilling to me, and I find my happiness in serving him. I can’t hide anything about myself from him, he knows me too well.

I know you are concerned with me having no rights, and possibly being abused within such a relationship. I don’t blame you for feeling that way, since I know you have seen the media’s viewpoint of this style of relationship. I don’t know how else to tell you this, except simply: This is *not* abusive. Since being owned does mean he has the right to do with me as he pleased, I took a very long time making sure I trusted him with my life. That’s where it helps to have common sense and intelligence, because it truly was the last choice I made that matters. I would not have become owned by a man I wasn’t ready to trust with my very life. He is worth it.

You have met him. You have seen me grow in my happiness during the time I have served him. You have seen me lose my selfish "what’s in it for me" focus and find joy in the littlest aspects of life. You have watched as I stopped taking things for granted, and learned to push myself to his bar of excellence instead of coasting through life.

I hope you can understand why I have chosen the life I have, because in order to be true to myself, there really was no choice. I hope one day you can look beyond the labels, and see that I am truly happy in being his.

Even if you don’t, I still love you.

I slept and dreamt that life was joy.
I awoke and saw that life was service.
I acted and behold, service was joy.

-Rabindranath Tagore

Gabriel and kaylee write a monthly column about issues pertaining to the lifestyles of Goreans on Earth. Questions, comments, and suggestions or requests for topics can be addressed to Gabriel@gor-on-earth.com