KAIILA (March 21 - April 21)

Last month’s lovefest will continue with a warning: you sound like a Home Shopping Channel announcer. Your gift of gab is completely out of control: try to restrain yourself from trumpeting to the world your latest accomplishments, conquests, and acquisitions. On the other hand, if you have it, what the hell, flaunt it: no one is more gregarious, generous, approachable, and fiery as you are now. Pay attention to ideas that occur out of the blue, they could be financially valuable. Shine on.

  BOSK (April 21 - May 21)

You too, like your Kaiila friends, are blessed with persuasive powers early in the month. Your lovely, mellifluou, therapist-y voice will hypnotize cats from trees, UPS deliverymen out of their packages, and the usually scrupulous from their dull ruts of responsibility, including you. You feel free and easy- a rarity for you, especially lately. Take it for a ride, a ticket to Cozumel, a free drink. You deserve it. Do you own thing and disregard crackpot schemes from the eccentric, a problem as of late.

  SE-SA (May 22 - June 21)

Zowie. You really ARE on the luck streak from last month just goes on, with a little weight added that grows, like a weight that slowly drags you down. This voice of responsibility is like a droning pull against your constant thirst for variety and fun, and the conflict is a bore in your opinion. Yet, if you stick it out and somehow balance your need to seem like Zoom, Inc., with the world the rest of us live in (bills, kids, laundry) THEN you can have both respect from your peers and plenty of time for your own thing. Do both. At least, try.

  TOOS (June 22 - July 22)

Look forward to the fact that when you’re old and grey, you can say to the rest of us that you told us so. Right now, though, the rest of the world seems obsessed with its own patterns of striving, greed, seduction by crass displays, neon, and beer. Savages. This is a pretty lousy month for love, again unless, in your own patient way, your sweetie have his way, while counting in your head to 1002. Hang on. Better times follow soon.

  LARL (July 23 - August 23)

Party animal ever, you cut even looser than last month and swing into a party frenzy equaling Liz Taylor in her drinking days. What drives you, madman? Conquer everyone in sight and ignore the swinish detractors. This is a great month for flings and getting caught with flings, both the indiscretion and the confession. Your bank account is totally blown, though, trust a faithful and long-suffering Toos or Bosk with your dollars, and lock down the liquor.

 BARBARIAN (August 24 - September 23)

What is this world coming to? Poor, loveable Barbarian. It’s as if you are a librarian in Alexandria while it burns, this month. Ignore the yammerings of the commoners and hang tight- the first part of May through the 5th will be good to get your point across to the higher-ups about the necessities of insurance, reliable workers, recycling- whatever you have to plug. After that time, be aware that there’s forces working against your usually pristine logic, and the boss won’t understand your detailed, fifteen page report about waste reduction in the staff lunchroom. Take comfort in the predictability of absurdity. Scream into your pillow if you have to.

  TEFA (September 24 - October 23)

Stand back from the the Kaiila and Larl types, then join in the wake of their madness. Social, diplomatic, helpful- that’s you. Remember? You’re not the type you want to be this month shackling your annoying friends to the wall while you tear them apart for their latest habits you can no longer stand, unfortunately. Hold it in, though you’re very bootiful when you’re angry, sweetiepie.

  NAR (October 24 - November 22)

Last month’s foray into the adult world was a depressing thing, wasn’t it? Thank God you’re free from it for awhile. The boss is happy with you, as long as you can keep a lid on sudden ways to improve The Company. Keep your head down and nose to the grindstone- it’s good for you. Hot sex continues, with a lot of tears, either yours or your intended victims.

  RARIUS (November 23 - December 22)

The strange old/young thing goes on, with some new twists. Have you paid off the Mustang convertible before your toupee? No? Pay some attention to your appearance this month: get a haircut, a manicure, get your teeth scaled from last year’s indulgences, you old lizard. You’ll be very attractive if you get rid of that baggy sweater and slick your hair back a little. Leer at the pretties. They’ll think you’re devastating.

  VERR (December 23 - January 20)

Survived April? Good. The shrieking madness of the prior month is more of the same for May, but with the apparent comfort from those not with you are against you: you’re gearing up for a major struggle next month. Don’t overreact now to developing problems, and you’ll avoid major problems in June. Be the rock, not the avalanche and no, a really REALLY big rock doesn’t count if it’s still rolling downhill.

  THASSA (January 21 - February 19)

Good golly, Miss Molly. Is the house painted pink, the poodle shaved, and all the neighbors with new perms and dye jobs? You’ve been busy. More insanity prevails for you this month, most of it pleasantly creative, some of it downright weird as is your trademark. Be cautious, you don’t want to alienate your benefactors. Rehearse your sales pitch to your sweetie along with a good stiff drink first.

  PARSIT (February 20 - March 20)

Sweet tender Parsit-fish, swimming in the waters of the psyche.. you have such an insight to people this month. Too bad it can’t really help you. Write it down now, and come back to it later. This is a terrible month for pushing your luck, starting new projects, investing in schemes, making new friends or doing anything new. Let things slide a little; no one will mind if you’re not watching the chickens. People will come to you this month and cry; have a pillow ready for them, sweet one.