"Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive."

The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again.

"You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of relief. "My husband just found another one."

Number of physicians in the US:
700,000.

Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year:
120,000 (AMA).

Accidental deaths per physician:
0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health Human Services)

Number of gun owners in the US:
80,000,000.

Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups):
1,500.

Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

"FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but everyone has at least one Doctor." Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand.

As a Public Health Measure, the statistic on Lawyers has been withheld for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical aid.

A young woman had entered her dog in the dog show in the smooth-haired breed category. To give it an advantage, she went to the chemist for some hair remover.

The chemist gave her the product requested and advised, "Just remember to keep your arms up for at least five minutes."

"Errr... it's not for my armpits," she flustered, embarrassed, "it's for my Chihuahua."

"Oh well, in that case," said the chemist, "don't ride a bike for twenty-four hours."

Over a round of golf, two doctors were talking shop.

"I operated on Mr. Lee the other day," said the surgeon.

"What for?" asked his colleague.

"About $17,000."

"What did he have?"

"Oh... About $17,000."

These three men went into business together and the first one said, "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the president and chairman of the board."

"I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary and treasurer."

"Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What's that make me?"

The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of sex and music."

"That sounds mighty fine," said the third man, "but what does it mean?"

"It means what when I want your fucking advice, I'll whistle."