KAIILA (March 21 - April 21)

The Boss, as always. You’ll catch yourself more than once humming Rolling Stones tunes this month, particularly things like "Under My Thumb" and "Sympathy for the Devil". Your lovelife will be especially crackly, with all sorts of zippiness we’d expect from someone who regards hardware stores and caramel sauce as erotic necessities. You won’t need them –if you ever do – because you’ll be the Love God or Goddess herself, a pasha in your own kingdom, and shockingly original to boot. Hire a mariachi band to serenade your lover, husband or wife, or tie your slaves up in tinsel and tickle them until they howl. You are loved.

  BOSK (April 21 - May 21)

Poor reliable Bosk people will still be reminding the world this month what poor, reliable types they are. Beset with worry and responsibility and the weight of the world that the rest of us are so clearly ignoring. You’ll be cranky, but in a frowsy, lovable sort of way, dutifully filling out the bills and tax forms while grumbling under your breath about kids nowadays and how a dollar isn’t a dollar. If you have a Bosk friend, consider it your mission of mercy to take them out to dinner, the movie that they’ve been wanting to see but couldn’t afford, or rub their stolid, sweet necks. Long, hot baths help.

  SE-SA (May 22 - June 21)

Wow! Where’d you get that gold pinkie ring? You’d better head to Vegas or play the Lotto, or fess up to some truth at work or home that you’ve been avoiding. Luck is with you – although you won’t FEEL particularly lucky, it’s there. The oppressive atmosphere of worry you’ve been dragging around will dissipate by the end of this month, and your situation will improve even from there. Get yourself a little gift - splurge – you deserve it – get a diamond chip implanted in your tooth if you want.

  TOOS (June 22 - July 22)

Lay low this month – like, in bed, far down under the covers. Take some time to retreat to the shell of home that you so love – garden, find a good book, and buckle down. You’re the type to clam up under adversity, and instead of venting hurt feelings, you mope and pout. Not much you can do about that this month, where it seems everything you say is somehow turned against you by those annoying people you heretofore loved. Don’t panic. It’s temporary. They’ll recover their senses by your birthday; don’t make waves in the meantime. Just concentrate on the little Zen bell in your mind while they ramble on about how perfect they are.

  LARL (July 23 - August 23)

Careful this month. Your love life is in full swing, and although you think you’re the cutest and funniest thing on God’s green earth, try to save the bombast for, say, New Year’s, or maybe later, way later. Maybe stash the orange striped suit with the platform shoes for then too. You can’t really be subtle – that ‘s never your style anyway – but the safe thing this month is to stay on the quiet side of enthusiastic shouting. Your confidence is up, and so are your attractive qualities of generosity and creativity - but there’s still quite a few karmic lessons being taught to you that will last through the next few months. Enjoy your inimitable charm, but don’t write crocodile checks your canary butt can’t cash!

 BARBARIAN (August 24 - September 23)

A confusing month. You’re rewarded at work for, as always, pulling the load and keeping people on the straight and narrow – yet, when you really think about it, it seems that once you have one end tied up, it’s unraveling at the other end. You can’t organize everything – and this really annoys you in April. Look for the calm in your immediate world – concentrate on your own work and to hell with the rest of ‘em. Practice saying "Yes, Boss" without choking in the mirror before you get to work, and do not, repeat, do not slip anything into his coffee, either.

  TEFA (September 24 - October 23)

See Verr for a little taste of what awaits you this month in your love life – then see Kaiila. Yes, my friend, you’ll have a taste of the madness this month, and as they say "A little madness in the spring/ Is healthful even for the King". The best and the worst is possible for you and your ordinarily sweet love-muffin sweeties this month, but suddenly they’ll be going through what resembles Joan Crawford mood swings. It’s not you – it’s them; get them on the upswing of the madness and reap the benefits of passionate weasel-like writhings in the sack, and hand them Kleenexes for the inevitable crying jags afterwards. Be sympathetic, as you always are – just don’t get pulled along. Luck is with you otherwise, financially and professionally, particularly having to do with finances. Save your pennies, but lose your marbles.

  NAR (October 24 - November 22)

Oh Nar, with your intense, hypnotic, soul-searching ways – why are you such a pain this month? You’re either depressed with the weight of responsibility and struggling with a way to evade it, or lecturing others about how their far-out ideas will be the end of civilization as we know it. You’ll have important professional responsibilities this month; accept them gracefully and do your work behind the scenes, and the babes will come flocking to the image of restrained power, which is your thang. It’s a good month for sex, but remember that self-control and responsibility is also highly attractive. It’s a bad time to share holiday pictures at work –they’ll be disgusted, not amused.

  RARIUS (November 23 - December 22)

You’re still deep in some kind of weird crisis by this point – some identity problem that you didn’t see beforehand is still nagging at you, and you’re not sure if you’re karmically meant to be Queen Sheba of the Night or a full-time Elvis impersonator for your journey through life. Ignore this – the answers aren’t there for you yet – and it’s going to go on for some time anyway. Have fun this month – there’s great opportunities to go pal-ing around with your cronies and paramours- cut loose in a funky dive or go traveling bewteen the 7th and the 21st. Don’t gamble or lend money – you’ll never see it again – but later in the month is a good time to pitch the weirdo business idea to your boss or hunt your agent down with a new book idea. They’ll buy it.

  VERR (December 23 - January 20)

You know those fizzy tablets for headaches? Take two. No, take three. Your sweetie, or if you’re single, your close friends or family-- will just love to pick, pick, pick on you this month until you resemble a cross between Keith Richards and Don Rickles. They love you fine, but they just want to wrestle you this month, so you may as well make it fun while they get their ya-ya’s out: pillow fighting, or better, mud wrestling. Just don’t expect to win – lovers and close friends will be charged with that odd sort of sexy, righteous Valkyrie energy you wish wasn’t directed against YOU. It is.

  THASSA (January 21 - February 19)

A high-rolling month for you. You’ll be snappy at parties and a firecracker in the sack. Weird and far-out ideas are your specialty, but you’ll crank out some real gems this month – be sure to find your tinfoil hat to wear. All of your friends will be amazed at your genius and fortune in matters artistic and creative; take down the old Xmas lights hanging from the gutter and put up Japanese lanterns for spring parties and install the hammock in the living room, why not? Just be sure to be ready to explain yourself later; they just won’t understand your reasons right now, and you’re not in a mood to discuss it anyway.

  PARSIT (February 20 - March 20)

Travel is good for you up until the 5th of this month – pack up your bags, put off your work for awhile, and hit the great open road. If you don’t physically travel, you’ll want to make your home your new kasbah; drag out the Don Ho records, put on your awful Hawaiian shirt and do a canned-ham luau for your friends and family. It’s also this first part of the month that is good for communications and settling contracts – to sign on property (though DO read the fine print, please!) and get on public access channel about the impending UFO invasion. They will all believe you.