An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the father asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"

The little girl replied, "Mom says that dinner will be ready in just a couple of sex."

Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend Sheila about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yell's "Sheila, what the hell d'ya thinks yas doing?" (Aussie Accent).

Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."

Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. "Sheila," he says "Not only are you a great shag, but you're a real sport too."

1. You must strive to be pleasing every day. If it is not your day, trust that you will please the sleen for lunch.
2. Always avoid displeasing a Master, as your butt makes a nice whooshing sound as it flies out the door.
3. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of quivering slave flesh.
4. Tell a Master what you need, and he'll tell you what you can have.
5. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
6. Needing a Master is like needing a tarn. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you'll make a nice impression in the ground.
7. Masters don't have attitude problems. Kajirae have perception problems.
8. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the X key.

velith

Mastiff gets the blame for this one

A guy 4' 6" builder walks into a bar and orders a drink, then stands up and yells across the bar "Who is the baddest man in here?" This guy 6' 4" warrior up and says "I am." Well, the little guy goes over and whips the crap out of the big man and leaves. The next day, the same little man orders a drink and proceeds to whip the crap out of the next baddest man in the bar. This goes on for two hands straight. Finally, the bartender decides to do something, and he hires a huge Kurii. The next day the little man comes in orders a drink says "Who's the baddest man here?" The bartender says "he's in the bathroom!" After 20 ehn of screaming and yelling the little guy comes out of the bathroom and tells the bartender, "When that sorry excuse for a man wakes up, tell him his fur coat is out in the alley!"

Jarl gets all the blame for this one

An eight-year-old boy walks in to a brothel, dragging a dead frog behind him on a piece of string. He walks up to the mistress of the brothel and says "I want one of your girls". She looks down at him, surprised, "...but you're only eight!". He silently hands her $200. "Very well," she says.

"There's more," he says. "She must have some sexual disease."

"But all my girls are clean!" she says. He silently hands her another $200.

"very well," she says, and directs him to a room.
20 minutes later, he's walking out, still dragging the dead frog behind him. The mistress of the brothel stops him and says "wait! I gotta know! What is a young boy doing walking into my brothel with a dead frog, and requesting a girl with diseases?"

"It's quite simple," he responds. "When I get home I'm going to fuck the baby sitter, and she'll catch the disease. When my parents get back, my dad will drive the baby sitter home and fuck her, and he'll catch the disease. When he gets back home, he'll fuck mum and she'll catch the disease..."

"...tommorow morning, when my dad goes off to work, mum will fuck the postie, and he'll catch the disease..."

"...and HE was the asshole that killed my frog!!!"

A blonde goes into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her that it will cost her $300, she exclaims,"I don't have any money... but I'll do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"

To that the man asks, "Anything?"

And the blonde says, "Yes.... ANYTHING!!" With that the man says, "Follow me!"

He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."

She does this and then he says, "Get on your knees." She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does.Then he says, "Go ahead, take it out."

With that, she takes it out and holds it with both hands. And then the man says somewhat impatiently, "Well, go ahead!!"

She then brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it very closely to her lips, she says, "HELLO, MOM?"