A Warning to all.

This is an old topic, a sad topic, and a vitally important topic. Unfortunately it is a topic which has come up before, and again, recently. However, I feel that we as a community should be reminded of it frequently. I implore each and every one of you to read the following words with the utmost care and attention.

Jarl.

P.s. The following is a typical case, not an extraordinary one.

Master,
I am sorry to write you, I know you hate me and do not want to hear another word from me. But I cannot let this go withought giving you a better explaination, this is not an excuse just the full story. It is long and verbose please forgive me for that.

When i first got on the internet I started out in roleplaying channels, mainly things like Vampire RPG's. It was fun and completely addictive, I was a cure for the boredom and solutide that enveloped my life for the past two years. I played for about a year, I had many different personalities or characters with a pic to go with each one. The people who i interacted with were characters and we all knew that is was playing. I became all the things that I could never be in real life, outgoing, daring, beautiful. I became so hooked on being someone else, that some mornings I would wake up and think like my characters. It took me a while but I soon realized that what I was doing was not healthy, i kept telling myself that I would stop just another week or so. But the weeks led into Months and the months led to nearly another half a year. Then my best friend killed himself in November of last year, His death shook me to the core. He suffered from the same thing that I do, only far more severe, and in the end he lost his battle and gave up. He was the only person in this world who i ever felt close to, after he was gone I took a long hard look at my life. I made a vow to myself that i would change and better myself, so that I would not have to be ashamed of who I was anylonger.

Despite the large steps I have made with my physical health, I still clung to the internet. I had found this new RPG , or so I thought, called Gor. When i first walked into Darks Gorean Tavern i saw all the beautiful slave girls with waist length hair and slim sexy figures, and i decided almost instantly that I would not, COULD not be myself. I dug out one of the old pics that a friend sent me a year ago, and i said it was me. I used her pic as a mask to hide behind, and i became this wonderful beautiful sexy person. I told myself it wasn't real, that noone could really live like they do, so of course it was a game. And even though there was a part of me that longed for it to be possible, to come out and be who I really am, I continued the charade. Even when i met Master (Name Protected) and begged his collar, I was not thinking real life. Part of me knew that he cared nothing for me, and never had any intention of it being real life. So I told myself it was ok, and i ignored the fact that he touched on some deep longings inside me and brought them to the surface. I follwed him to Silk&Steel and saw that I was wrong about Gor and real Goreans. I saw that there were slaves there of all kinds and ages and they were real, and happy. But I was so deeply in by that time, I was to much of a coward to come clean. After I was uncollared i considered leaving Gor, "killing" off (slave name removed, to protect those associated) and coming back in a month or to as who I really was. And then you came into 3 Moons of Gor. I don't know why but i went back to S&S,

something about your effect on (slave name removed) and (slave name removed) got to me, all three of us felt it. When i flirted with you in channel, i never thought you would have an interest in me, I knew you did not like me. But when you started to talk with me and asked me straight out if that pic was mine, i said yes without thinking. Part of it was automatic responce, another part was that i knew once you found out the truth about me you would never speak to me again. I told myself after you knew me better I would tell you, come clean. I foolishly hoped that if you really knew who I was and liked who I was, you would not care what I looked like. After that i ignored that part of it, I pushed it out of my mind and pretended even to myself that i was beautiful and thin and desirable.

Somewhere in that time I realized I was not playing anymore. When i walked into S&S again i knew it was more real for me. And the more I talked to you the more I began to care and love you the worse i felt. On one hand i had all these wonderful feelings cause by being near you, on the other hand I was lying to you and knew you would hate me when you found out. That night i wrote that email to you and you told me how I had hurt you it occured to me for the first time that I had not considered your feelings at all. I felt so low, I did not even feel human. I was at a lost of what to do and did not have anyone to turn to. I knew that I had to come clean, I just could not find the courage or the words to tell you. I selfishly held off, and let myself enjoy your presense for another day. I kept saying just another day please just another day. I thought up all kinds of crazy fantasies, about you finding out the truth and giving me another chance. I poured as much truth behind my lies as i could. I told you my feelings, my embarrasing truths, everything about me that was real. I was so in love with you...am so in love with you and the more i fell the more i knew that it would not last. For the last month I have been living in a state of constant bliss and shame and dread. I have felt like my insides were being torn apart, just being near you made me calmer and filled me with joy. Please believe me...If I could have taken a magic potion to turn myself into that girl in the picture I would. I would give anything to have been her for you.

Master I am so so sorry. I hate myself for what i have done, for the pain that I have caused. I hate that I have lied to everyone, especially when I am just realize how badly i wanted to be a part of this community. I wish there was some way i could take it back and start over, halfway through this i started to change, i realized with a great deal of shame and self loathing that what I was doing was horribly wrong and misguided. And even though I was honest i was about how i felt and who i was underneat the mask, i knew that nothing i said was honest because it was all discoulored by a lie. Master I am not a bad person, I am that person you saw underneath what i have done.

A while back I wrote you that email to tell you how i really felt, i just never finished it. I know i have been selffish and foolish. I have acted in a cowardly and thoughtless manner, and appropriately i have been like an elephant in a china shop when it comes to other peoples feelings. There is no excuse for what I have done, please beleive it was a horrible mistake on my part, not the vicious game it appears to be. I do love you with all my heart, and i know i have not shown it as i should. I thought I could win you over and show you who i was, and then you would not mind what I looked like. I thought i could work hard and change who i was on the outside, loose the weight and work out to be beautiful for you. I thought i could work on my inside to and become a better person, and that if I held onto you long enough you would one day see how much better i could be. I am sorry, for i now know that i had no right to do that, my actions were manipulative and careless. I know there is nothing i can do to make up for my actions, but I would do anything to try and set it right. I know that I can be a better person that what I am now, and I will work hard to become that person. As I lose more and more weight I discover more about myself, more about my womanhood. I regret everything I have done Master, but for these brief few weeks you have made me feel beautiful and like a woman. Till the day I die i will owe you for that, I am sorry that I did not show you with my actions what you really mean to me.

(slave name removed, to protect those associated)

The following is a personal log which shows my views on the subject in more detail. I am taking this personally, and for the next few weeks I am going to wage a private war against lying girls on irc. We'll see if I can get anywhere.

Session Start:
<Jarl> got a pic?
<slave> yes Master Jarl
<Jarl> send it.
<slave> several
<Jarl> And, if you're not as beautiful as you are making yourself out to be in channel, hold onto your ass.
<Jarl> one will suffice.
<slave> yes Master
<slave> slave has read Your post, and describes herself always Master
<Jarl> got a scanner?
<slave> no Master Jarl
<Jarl> a photo shop near you will do, then.
<slave> slave goes to Kinko's or Walgreen's to have her photos scanned
<Jarl> I want a photo of you holding a sign saying "S&S" with the date in one corner.
<slave> the picture does not please You Master?
<slave> yes Master
<Jarl> You have one week to produce such a pic.
<slave> yes Master
<Jarl> send me the others, one at a time.
<Jarl> I wish to check something.
<slave> yes Master
<slave> Master Jarl, slave met You some time ago on austnet
<slave> when she was slave{Collar}
<slave> she admired and respected You greatly then and does now...
* Jarl doesn't care.
<slave> and she wanted to compliment You on the article on the public bulletin board
* Jarl still doesn't care.
* slave hushes
* Jarl is going to find the girls who lie on irc, and get rid of them.
<slave> may slave speak Master?
<Jarl> What the HELL kinda crap is that pic?
<Jarl> some cyber-surgery piece of fiction?
<slave> it was a playful pic Master
<slave> slave's last Master wanted a variety
<slave> it was taken at a local fair
<slave> slave thought You wished them all one at a time
<slave> may slave send another please Master?
<Jarl> No. <Jarl> And when you send me that pic I told you to send, ensure it shows your body, full-length.
<slave> yes Master
<Jarl> I don't want a nude. I just want a full-length pic.
<slave> slave has several, most full length Master
<Jarl> with a sign saying S&S with the date in one corner?
<Jarl> oh that's convenient :) send one of those.
<slave> no Master
<slave> not one with a sign and a date
<Jarl> shut up then until you have one.
<Jarl> You don't understand the point of this, do you?
<slave> yes, Master a girl does and may she be allowed a question please?
<Jarl> aye?
<slave> Master a girl will produce the picture You ask for, but she finds it disheartening that the assumption now seems to be that girls are not slender and with long hair, attractive even, and those that dare that in their honesty are marked liars and made to prove it
<slave> the incentive to be honest would be where? would a fat girl be asked to do the same as slave is being asked, Master Jarl?
<Jarl> no one claims to be fat when they are not.
<slave> Master Jarl, slave has tried so hard to follow all of the rules here, to be respectful, and to obey implicitly.
<slave> but now because she is thin and with long hair, she is all but being called a liar
<slave> if she had lied and said she was fat, You would have accepted that more easily.
<slave> she must repeat, it is more than disheartening Master
<Jarl> have you ever been in a situation where someone you've known for a long time turns out to have been lying to you the whole time?
<slave> yes Master
<slave> and that is precisely why slave does not lie
<Jarl> how did it make you feel?
<slave> and hates people thinking she would
<slave> it hurts Master, as if a girl was thought to be a fool
<slave> but she would much rather be thought a fool than a liar Master
<Jarl> you think it's not good, then?
<slave> she has 6 pictures, some as old as 8 years ago
<slave> some as recent as Christmas
<slave> a girl thinks that yes, girls should be asked to some degree to be honest, and to produce pictures
<Jarl> you have demonstrated your ability with cyber-surgery. Can you prove in any of your other pictures that they are, in fact, YOU?
<slave> but pictures of the same person in a variety of environment and ages, seems proof enough
<slave> no Master, not thru this medium
<Jarl> I'm sorry, but I don't accept that as proof.
<Jarl> the fact that such pictures are extremely easy to get hold of makes my method a necessary one for proving you are who you say you are.
<slave> a girl understands Master, she does, but she'd be less than honest if she didn't say that being assumed a liar hurts a girls heart
<Jarl> If you are who you say you are, you will have no problems with it.
<Jarl> I am not assuming you are a liar.
<Jarl> I am merely taking steps to ensure you are not.
<slave> a girl has no problem getting the picture Master
<slave> forgive a girl for feeling that is a thin line Master
<Jarl> It is a thin line.
<Jarl> But it is something I feel needs to be done.
<Jarl> And, if I become unpopular as a result of it, who cares? At least I will have achieved something.
<Jarl> Who knows? Lying sluts might even be scared to come to S&S, in case I am there.
<slave> and once done, slave will be welcomed to S&S if her behavior remains good..based on her picture, that You have proof she is not a liar
<slave> and girls that told the truth have to feel the pain of being doubted Master.
<Jarl> Weigh that against the pain of being lied to for a year by someone you thought you knew.
<slave> a girl can Master, but it did not make her doubt every new person that crossed her path
<slave> she gave people the benefit of the doubt
<Jarl> So did I.
<slave> the truth is, appearance is last among attributes slave looks for in people
<Jarl> And then it happened again.
<Jarl> Ahh, but you are not a man.
<Jarl> And too, the one lie leads to many others.
<slave> and if their appearance is so important to them that they lie about it
<slave> then she finds them shallow
<Jarl> And too, appearance is the MAIN THING someone lies about.
<slave> does that not make them shallow Master?
<Jarl> not necessarily.
<slave> doesn't that make the priorities all wrong?
<Jarl> It might make them insecure, or sick.
<slave> Master, slave prides herself on her appearance
<slave> but it does not define who she is
<slave> she hates that people see her and desire her for perhaps the fact that they like long hair or whatever
<slave> it prevents them from seeing inside her
<Jarl> this is not a case of my desiring you or not.
<slave> and this, what You do, though she understands it
<slave> just reinforces that theory
<Jarl> this is merely a case of killing the main reason for people to lie - looks.
<slave> no, it is the case of You choosing to assume she lies first, rather than assuming she may be honest first
<Jarl> I have already answered that charge.
<Jarl> The bottom line, slave, is that I don't really care if you dislike me for this. If you do not produce that picture within the allotted time, I will assume you can not, and I will ban you.
<slave> Master if slave just said she was fat, You would not have questioned her any farther
<Jarl> If you do produce that picture, then I will cross your name off the list and look elsewhere.
<slave> yes Master
<slave> slave can produce the picture
<Jarl> That is true. What is your point?
<slave> a girls point is You are penalizing her for being thin.
<Jarl> What if I am?
<slave> it hurts Master
<Jarl> it hurts too being penalised for being fat.
<slave> reverse prejudice
<slave> slave's honesty has never been questioned
<Jarl> you have made your points.
Session Close:

I have no wish to leave it on this note, because Gor is not about lies and deception. Instead, I will use, with thanks, the works of a very great friend of mine, JaKil of Ar, to end on the proper note.

The Sprit of a Man

To see something afar, a bright beacon shinning forth
Like the glimmering of rain drops on a sun streaked lake
Look in amazement, as it reaches deep within your soul
Feel the blood race coursing through the body
Touch a part long forgotten
What is this that disturbs the aching soul?
To live, to love , to want such as this?
Many are those who cannot see
Yet, still continue to gaze, never turning away
Never deny that which you are
Rage against those that hinder the rightness
Weep for lies told often so as to cloud the truth
Refuse to yield, or give way to falsehood
Stand, be accounted for
That the world might if for only a moment
Know that here is one that refuses to sway
Stake a claim to rightness, be bold, unafraid
Because, there are men that understand
Perhaps few in number, still it is enough

by
JaKil

I sincerely hope you have paused to think while reading this, and will take these words with you as you journey through Gorean irc.

I wish you well,
Jarl.