Tal and Greetings,

Many times online you see where a slave goes from slave, to free woman, to slave. Back and forth this person will go. Not sure what she really is, or if she really belongs in this lifestyle. But what happens when a slave goes to a free woman in the real world? And how does it affect her if she is truly sincere? I hope to be able to address some of these issues in my column this month.

Having been free for almost a year now I have decided to take a look back at my life and how it has changed since becoming a free woman. Online in some cases it is merely a capital letter added to your name, the fact that a free woman has a bit more leeway in general discussions, and they are looked upon as more then just property. To me it was this way because I have never been one to speak much or step out of line no matter what my role is. Now as far as my every day life is concerned, I was not sure that I had changed at all. To me I remained the same person that I have always been. I just was given the opportunity to step out of the box and take a new path in life. I set goals and ideas that I wanted to become active in. Things that I may not have tried while I was owned. This newfound freedom was a bit unsettling at first. Here I was for the first time in four years on my own able to make decisions and choices not based on anyone else's needs but my own. There are a few moments of feeling lost here and there. I think with any major change in life those feelings will arise. There were days that I wondered what was going on in my life. I had wondered if I could travel this path in life. And travel it successfully. To me my freedom was very precious to me. Something that I had wanted to keep as long as I could. I read over the writings of many free women that live this lifestyle. In fact, if I am in question of something I still read many of the writings that the free women before me have left.

I did not realize just how much I had changed from the time I had discovered this lifestyle till just a few months ago. I had the chance to meet a man that I had known for two years online. We were very good friends and had finally gotten the opportunity to meet. But when I was getting ready to meet him it hit me. I was meeting him as a free woman and not a slave. I thought for a moment on how things would be different this time around. There were no expectations that were set. It was just two friends getting the chance to meet each other for the very first time. There would be no kneeling at his feet or begging of a collar.

That day we spent a great deal of time talking and just getting to know one another. I realized then the great difference between what a slave was and what a free woman was. I became his friend, his companion, and the one he could come and talk with when problems arose. I was not there just to serve him drinks and food. Nor was I just there to be his property. That day I realized just a little bit more of what being a free woman was all about. I am still submissive to his needs, and I still like to make him happy. I just do it in a manor that befits a free woman. I know that because of my past he can enslave me anytime that he sees fit or he can enslave me just because he desires to. I also think that makes me work just a bit harder in trying to learn my new station in life. When we are together and able to spend time with one another I enjoy sitting by his side, talking with him about day-to-day life. I do not mean to apply that many master/slave couples do the same on a daily basis. It was in a sense very different for me because it was the first time in many years that I was not looked upon as a possession but as someone that could be respected.

Now for the physical mark that my previous owner placed upon me. I still have it. I cold easily get it removed. But it is something that I am proud of. It is not mentioned in the novels but since some of the slaves were freed to become companions they were obviously marked. And there was no mention in the books that it was removed. I would think that it would be something that the freed girls would also be proud of. They may have been freed. But there is always a chance that they could find themselves once again in a collar.

~Amara~

If you have a Gorean lifestyle issue you would like to discuss, please feel free to email me at ~Amara~

~Amara~