Greetings, Masters, Mistresses, and kajirae,

Welcome to kajira korner!

One hopes you enjoy this new edition of kajira korner and encourages you send questions or comments to:      kajira_korner2000@yahoo.com     kajira_korner2000@yahoo.com

Dear kajira korner,

This girl recently entered irc for the first time, and spent some time in a tavern. From the moment a girl came in, other girls were messaging with advice (which she thanked them for) and with bits of gossip about the people in channel. While a girl does like knowing about the preferences of the Free that she serves, she is uncomfortable with the amount of information she is being offered, and the fact that some of it is downright nasty. This girl is not sure if she should talk to an op or let it go because she does not want to be known as a gossip.

Sincerely,
Hanging over the back fence.

Dear hanging,

In this one’s mind, there are two types of gossip; the informational kind, and the malicious kind. Just about all of us engage in informational gossip, even though we might deny it. Most females are too relationship oriented not to enjoy a good round of information about a common acquaintance (even though many will deny their enjoyment to their dying breath). We love knowing who is doing what, and how they are doing and so on, and it isn’t until the "news" takes a malicious turn that we tend to have a problem. To this one, hearing that so and so has just moved in with her owner and everything went well or that so and so got released and is in a new nickname, is vastly different than spreading vicious natured rumors.

One is assuming that the problem you are having with the information you are getting is that it is hateful in nature and not merely someone helping you to death with advice about online serving or online protocols. In case it is just too much helpful information, one would advise you to thank the person, and tell them that you are new and cannot keep up with more than one active window at a time and you do not want to get in trouble for missing a Master’s summoning (which has happened to almost everyone from time to time and it is not much fun). If, one the other hand, the "information" seems to be of a maligning nature, you can suggest to the person that you prefer to form your own opinions or that your experience with the person has not supported the allegation. If it continues and you are still uncomfortable, then you might ask why the person is sharing this information with you. This girl has even had to quietly suggest that the gossiper be careful, as it would be a shame if the rumor accidentally got pasted into the open channel.

As far as being worried about being known as a "gossip", the best way to keep that from happening is to NOT repeat anything you hear. You cannot control what people tell you, but you can control what you tell others and to whom you listen.

One last bit of advice for you, that a girl’s nana shared with her many years ago: Never say anything to anyone that you are not prepared to have said in public.

Wishing you well,

kajira{Generic}