Domestic violence knows only its victims. It is not particular of gender, race, age, or income and across the world it spells out the same. I will attempt to offer some insight to a problem that has existed through centuries. This era has been dubbed the information highway because of the access to the Internet. Information is now at our fingertips. I encourage all readers to investigate what technology has brought us.

Abuser Terminology;

Control : power, subdue, quell, supervise, master, govern

Jealousy : maliciously grudging another`s advantages, envy. invidious, greed

Victim : offering, sacrifice, casualty, prey, underdog, easy pickings

Survivor : outlast, outlive, revive, carry on, persist, recover

Rage : mania, anger, hysteria, acrimony

Provoke : irrate, insult, outrage,

Dis-functional : unable to operate in the proper or expected manner, unable to complete

Dispute : conflict, strife, dissension

Disorder : derange, disrupt, disturb

Fear : foreboding, worry, afraid, angst, horror, panic, fright, trepidation

     It is no surprise that survivors of abuse often disappear off the face of the earth. They know they are targets, and that in themselves they must find healing. Often the children are innocent bystanders. It could be your neighbor, your best friends wife, a teacher, a religious leader you have faith in. Abusers have no preference for gender, or social standing. They are predators, hiding like cowards in the dark.

The levels of abuse can range from mental to actual physical harm, I begin with emotional abuse;

1. Putting you down, You are so fat. You are lazy, Why can`t you be like so and so`s mate.

2. Using guilt as a weapon, Do it because you love me

3. Attempting to make the partner feel crazy. You lost the keys, but you haven`t driven the car.

4. Names, dirty ugly names, none of which ring true, yet you believe him or her.

5.Tossing out words to make your partner feel bad about themselves

6. Humiliation, cursing, often degrading in public to show his ability of control without fear.

7. Hurtful comments about family and friends

     These items are not part of a healthy relationship. To belittle, or harm your mate, partner beyond reasonable conversation is neither responsible, nor endearing to the commitment that is between you. These are red flag items. Using male privilege has always been a trademark of male abusers. Using her as a servant, being one to define male, and female roles, intimidation through size. Female privilege would be the reverse, not believing a woman so small could hit, or hurt with emotional abuse, the safety in knowing the male will not hit back. The verbal assaults that will not stop night after night. Financial threats, making the partner ask for money, taking the partners money at will, prevention of allowing the mate to have a job so that they rely fully on the other.

Coercion and uttering threats;

1. I'm going to beat you, or I'm going to kill you

2. No man or woman will have you but me

3. I will kill our children

4. Im going to kill myself

5. Illegal predicaments in which he or she has something to hold over you

6. Intimidation, glaring looks, hurting pets, smashing items dear to the mate, displaying weapons

7. Isolation, who controls who, what, where, and how the other lives, eats, reads. Often uses jealousy to justify actions.

8. The children, using them to relay threatening messages to one another, threatening to take them away, to kill them, to cause harm in any fashion to them.

Physical Abuse;

     These fits of rage have no prerequisites. The fits last from five minutes to hours, sometimes till the victim is unconscious. The victim never knows what brings this battlement on. The smallest mistake could set the abuser off into a fit, or even a simple face gesture is enough to irritate him or her. Often victims will not go into any medical facility, they are terrified of the ramifications on their return to the shared home. Their mate would constrain the victim from speaking about these episodes using intimidation. If a victim finally works up the strength to have this perpetrator charged they usually drop the charges or refuse to testify on behalf of the state. It is only recently that if an officer is called to a domestic situation he can assess, and make those charges stick regardless of the victim's wishes.

Red Flag Words;

1. Past Abuse

2. Abuse of animals, or children

3. Push for quick involvement, intimacy

4. Blames everyone else for their problems

5. Unrealistic expectations

6. Rigid sexual roles without consent

7. Sudden mood swings

8. Excessive possessiveness

     Please listen to your own judgement in these matters. If it seems wrong, it most likely is. We often forget that one of the greatest gifts we have is our intuition. It is there, and it works. So many times women and men have saved their own lives by simple things, not crossing a street because it just didn't feel right. There is little sense in participating in acts that you have not consented to as an adult.

     You are the priority, when your life is at stake. KEEP yourself safe, for you have only one body for this life.

     How do we reconcile this level of abuse with Gorean philosophy? We can reconcile this with the fact that Gor was often cruel, but not above the means to great love as a counter balance. Goreans, found sadistic traits very rare.

"Perhaps it should only be added that the Gorean Master, thought often strict, is seldom cruel. The girl knows, if she pleases him, her lot will an easy one. She will almost never encounter sadism or wanton cruelty, for the psychological environment that tends to breed these diseases is largely absent from Gor. This does not mean that she will not expect to be beaten if she disobeys, or fails to please her master. On the other hand, it is not to unusual a set of compartments on Gor where the master, in effect, willing wears the collar, and his lovely slave, by the practice of delightful wiles of her sex, with scandalous success wheedles her way triumphantly from the satisfaction of one whim to the next."
Outlaws Of Gor - Page 53-54

     The property that they attained was usually at some sort of cost, and they spent time arranging it to serve them in the most pleasing way. It was not uncommon for a slave to have bottles of perfume, and cosmetics to look more pleasing. The lower girls often resembled maids. Kettle girls, mat girls performing household tasks to bring harmony, and attend to the basic needs of the master. Discipline was feared beyond all else, and it was avoided at any cost. The girls strove to please men.

     Those who are embracing the ideals of Gor, realize that it is by consent a woman has become a kajira. It is by her wish that she lay her life in his hands. This discovery is not done inadequately. It is after time and great deliberation that a girl should beg for her collar knowing that the fellow whom she kneels before desires to extract only the best from her. She is not used as some sort of punching bag because his day was not as expected, or his only source of income because he hasn't the will to work.

     Norman based his science fiction on the order of nature. It was not meant as a haven for pedophiles, or abusive people. It is a deep philosophy in which the rules are well understood between the adult participants. So often we have witnessed stories of abuse, on the net and off. These people are not of Gor. They do have traits consistent of an abuser, listed above. These individuals reside in the world we all live in. Their punishment will be greater then any death, or any blow they should ever endure. It is the punishment of shame. This community would shame, shun, and expose such individuals. This community does not shelter these men and women with silent approval. They are acts of cowardly people preying on those weaker then themselves.

     Information take above from the Calgary Police History Files, Calgary, Alberta, Canada and National Coalition For Domestic Abuse based in the United States. If you require immediate assistance please call; 911

The National Domestic Violence Hotline : 1-800-799-7233

Copyright © Nyre January 2000