Three blondes walk into a bar and ask the bartender for three shots
of tequila. He looks at them and says "OK" and pours their shots.
They all clink glasses and and yell "51 days!" Then they proceed to slam the shots, looking very self-satisfied. They look back to the bartender and decide to order another round. This time they pick up the glasses again and, more gleefully yell " Only 51 days!"
The bartender finally can't stand wondering what they are talking about and asks them what they mean by Only 51 days.
One of the blondes looks at him and says "Well," looking very smug. "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It took us Only 51 Days.....and on the box it said 4-7 years"
Two Initiates were standing on the mountain. One had a new tharlarion, tethered close by.
The other said, "Nice tharlarion. How much?"
The first said, "It was free."
The other one asked, "Wow, how did you get it for free?"
The one with the tharlarion said, "Yesterday, a beautiful freewoman came up the mountain riding this tharlarion, took off all of her clothes and told me I could have anything I wanted."
The other Initiate said, "Good move. Her clothes wouldn't have fit You anyway."
The small paga tavern was all abuzz about the ancient Warrior and his new FreeCompanion
The Warrior was 95 and the FC was 23. The Warrior looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that their first night of Companionship might kill him, because the FC was a healthy 23. But lo and behold, the next morning, here comes the FC down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to the bar in the tavern. The proprietor behind the counter looked really concerned.
"Whatever happened to you,Lady? You look like you've been wrestling an marsh shark!
The FC groaned, hung on to the bar and managed to speak. "Ohhh, he told me he'd been saving up for 75 years and I thought he meant his money!"
Food for thought:
People are often unreasonable, Illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, You will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, People may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, Someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, They may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, People will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, And it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, It is between you and your God; It never was between you and them anyway.
Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man. One guy said he wanted to irritate him. He walked over to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a sissy." "Oh really? Hmm, didn't know that." Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a sissy and he didn't care!"
"You just don't know how to set him off, watch and learn." The second English man walked over and tapped the Irish man on the shoulder. "I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite!" "Oh, wow, I didn't know that! Thank you." Shocked beyond belief, the English man went back to his buddies. "You're right; he's unshakable!"
The third English man said: "No, no, no, I bet I can really piss him off, you just watch." He walked over to the Irish man, tapped him on the shoulder and said: "I hear your St. Patrick was really an English man!" "Yeah, that's what your buddies have been telling me."
She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!!
The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in breaking contracts, he will give her ex-Companion ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.
The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a fortune in gold tarsks and jewellery. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of gold and jewels beyond compare. The genie then reminds her that her ex-Companion is now the recipient of 10 times the fortune she now has.
The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish.
The second wish was for a beautiful house on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-Companion now owns ten of what she wished for, and points down the beach to a small development of ten such grand houses.
Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish.
Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-Companion will get ten times what she wishes for.
"No problem," said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. "For my last wish...I want to give birth to twins!"