A Gorean Christmas (or would that be PriestKingMas? MiskMas?)... the concept is delightful to ponder. The Ka-la-na trees decked out with strung berries, pretty rence paper origami ornaments, maybe a dried tospit or two.. a glowing energy bulb at the top. The packages carefully wrapped in dyed rep cloth, or colored papers. The laugher of children ringing through the house.. (Father! I wanted a new sword, not this stupid ole cross bow... Mother! Junior tossed his new bola at me, and now I'm trapped!), the exchange of gifts, each so thought out (gee, thanks ... same robes you gave me last year) (oh terrific, this new slave could make a tharlarion run for cover). And the feasting... now there's a party worthy of any Gorean. The long table set with the finest of dinnerware... silver and gold for the very wealthy, gleaming lustrous wood for the middle caste, and the finest of unchipped crockery in the peasant dwelling. As family and sword brothers flock to your home, you'll want the finest of meals, the most resplendent of drink to offer them. Your slaves decked out in red and green silks, slave bells ring (are ya listenin'?) adding their own festive charm to the occasion. The warmth of the season permeating your dwelling (please, no beheading, impaling or disemboweling in the front hall). In light of the event, (and we do mean light)... we prepared the following menu for your holiday feast.

Note: For Earth cooking, we highly recommend using the Earth Equivalents since we sort of winged it on Gorean measuring.

Ensure the stones are red hot. Make crosswise slits, 1/2 inch apart, halfway through the tarsk to where knife touches bone. Place tarsk in deep bowl and barely cover with water. Stir in yellow sugar. Soak at least 2 days in cold room. Drain. Place tarsk in roasting pan. Pour honey and larma juice all over tarsk. Stick cloves all over meat. Bake in warming fires for 6 to 7 ahn or until done, basting occasionally with the honey mixture.

Make crosswise slits, 1/2 inch apart, halfway through ham to where knife touches bone. Place ham in deep bowl and barely cover with water. Stir in sugar. Soak at least 2 days in refrigerator. Drain. Place ham in roasting pan, lined with enough foil to wrap completely. Pour honey or brown sugar and orange juice all over pork. Stick cloves all over meat. Wrap tightly with foil. Bake at 200 degrees for 6 to 7 hours or until done, unwrapping and basting occasionally with the honey mixture. Unwrap and bake at 450 degrees about 15 minutes for slightly crisp skin..

For the busy Free Woman, or Master with no slave handy:

Purchase a pre-cooked ham (not in the can)... prepare according to the directions on the ham. For a slightly spicier flavor mix 1C spicy mustard with 1/2 cup honey and baste the ham as it cooks.

For the High Caste Free Woman, or Master with no clue in the kitchen and no slave handy:
(also good for really lazy slaves, but not recommended)

Option A) Go to the local supermarket deli and purchase 5lbs of ham... microwave 2 minutes per lb to warm. Garnish with pineapple slices and serve.

Option B) Open a can of spam, slice and serve. (You may want to keep a bucket handy for this option)

Stir the fires to ensure it is well heated. Mix all dry ingredients. Drop in verr butter and mix together with your hands. Create a well in the middle and pour in verr milk, use a fork to lightly mix until flour is well moistened. On floured surface, knead 3 times. Pat dough out until 1/2 inch thick or thicker if you like. Cut into rounds with an inverted goblet. Set biscuits into a greased pan so that their edges touch. Bake in warming fires for 15 minutes.

Preheat oven to 450 degrees(F). Sift dry ingredients. Then cut in butter with pastry blender or use your hands. Make a well in the middle, pour in buttermilk, and using a fork lightly mix until flour is moistened thoroughly. On floured surface, knead 3 times. Pat dough out until 1/2 inch thick or thicker if you like. Cut into rounds with an inverted drinking glass or a biscuit cutter. Set biscuits into a greased pan so that their edges touch. Bake 12-15 minutes at 450 degrees.

Busy Free Woman, or Master with no slave handy method:

Buy a package of premade dough, follow instructions for baking on the package.

High Caste Free Woman, or Master with no clue in the kitchen and no slave handy:
(also good for really lazy slaves, but not recommended)

In the bakery section of the local supermarket, purchase a bag of rolls. Heat in microwave 20 seconds to warm, or just serve cold. You can also wrap them in aluminum foil and place them on the undercarriage of your vehicle while driving around to warm, but they get a nasty carbon monoxide flavoring that way.

Heat warming chamber, then roast the sweet potatoes until soft inside (pierce with a stick or slave finger to check the temperature... stick recommended unless slave is being punished). Remove skins from the potatoes and either mash or cut into chunks. Layer into a clay casserole type dish, and pour the paga evenly over the potatoes (if mashing, mix the paga into the potatoes)... dot with verr butter, and sprinkle the sugar over the top. Bake until heated through and the sugar is melted.

Heat oven to 300, then roast the potatoes until soft inside. (use a fork to check). Remove skins from the potatoes and either mash or cut into chunks. Layer into a casserole dish. Pour rum, brandy, or bourbon (we recommend only using 1) over the top, or mix into the potatoes if mashing. Dab with butter or margarine then sprinkle with brown sugar. Bake at 300 for about 20 minutes to heat through, adding the marshmallows for the last 5 minutes if desired.

Busy Free Woman or Master with no slave handy directions:

Substitute canned sweet potatoes for raw ones and prepare as above... can be microwaved instead for approximately 5 minutes on High.

High Caste Free Woman or Master with no clue in the kitchen and no slave Handy
(Also good for really lazy slaves, but not recommended)

Who even likes sweet potatoes?

1 - 5 Bags Potato Chips
12 pack Beer... any choice

Cook the ram-berries in enough water to barely cover the berries for ten ehn; add a handful of white sugar and cook for ten ehn more. Press through a bit of porous cloth to remove skin and seeds and pour into dish. Place in the cold room for one ahn before serving.

Cook the berries in 1/2 C of water for 10 minutes; add a cup of sugar and cook 10 minutes more. Press through a colander or cheese cloth to remove skin and seeds, then pour into dish. Place in the refrigerator for one hour before serving.

Busy Free Woman or Master with no slave handy directions:

Buy a package of berry flavored Jello, and follow the directions on the box. Note: If you reside in Utah, make sure to add some sort of canned fruit or shredded carrots to the jello. (Utahns will understand that one)

High Caste Free Woman, or Master with no clue in the kitchen and no slave around directions:
(Can also be used by a really lazy slave, but is not recommended)

Go to the deli at the supermarket and buy 2 pints of pre-made jello dessert. Transfer to your own dishes so no one knows.

Ensure the stones are very warm. Combine Sa-Tarna flour, Tahari salt in mixing bowl. Blend the bosk fat and verr milk together then add to flour mixture. Stir with a prong until mixture forms a ball. Shape into a ball and flatten slightly, then roll to a circle slightly larger than the pie tray. Fit to tray, trim and pinch the edges into an attractive design. Prick the bottom with the prong then cook 12-15 ehn or until light golden brown. Cool before using.

Combine white sugar, Sa-Tarna flour and Tahari salt. Add to the sliced larma and toss lightly. Turn out into pie shell. Pour Verr cream evenly over top. Bake over warming fires for 35-45 ehn or until firm and golden brown on top. Chill in cold room for several hours before serving.

Preheat oven to 375. Combine flour and salt in medium mixing bowl. Blend Crisco Oil and milk. Add to flour mixture. Stir with fork until mixture forms a ball. Shape into ball; flatten slightly. Place between sheets of waxed paper. Roll to a circle 2 inches larger than inverted 9 inch pie plate. Remove top sheet of waxed paper. Carefully slide your hand under bottom sheet of waxed paper. Turn over into pie plate so waxed paper is on top, easing pastry to fit pie plate. Remove waxed paper. Trim and flute edges. Prick thoroughly with fork. Bake at 375F, 12-15 minutes, or until light golden brown. Cool.

Combine white sugar, flour and salt. Add to the sliced apples and toss lightly. Turn out into pie shell. Pour whipping cream evenly over top. Bake at 375F for 35-45 minutes or until firm and golden brown on top. Chill for several hours before serving.

Busy Free Woman, Master with no slave handy directions:

Option A: Purchase a frozen pie shell at the grocery store... follow directions on the package for preparing. Add one can of premade apple pie filling and bake according to package directions. Cover with whipped topping and serve.

Option B: Purchase a premade frozen pie from the grocery store, prepare according to package directions

High Caste Free Woman, Master with no clue in the kitchen and no slave around directions:
(Can also be used by a really lazy slave, but is not recommended)

Go to the bakery section of the grocery store and purchase a premade pie of any flavor. Transfer to your own baking dish then warm, so no one knows.

Ensure warming fires are burning nicely. Beat all ingredients except the Sa-Tarna flour until fluffy. Add Sa-Tarna flour and mix well. Roll dough into balls and flatten on ungreased baking tray. Slip into the warming fires for 5 to 8 ehn until done. Sprinkle hot cookies with a mix of white sugar and ground cinnamon.

Preheat oven to 325F. Beat all ingredients except the flour until fluffy. Add flour and mix well. Roll dough into balls and flatten on ungreased cookie sheet. Cook at 325F for 5-8 minutes or until done. Sprinkle warm cookies with a mix of ground cinnamon and sugar.

Busy Free Woman, Master with no slave handy directions:

Purchase a package of cookie mix, or premade cookie dough at the grocery store. Follow directions.

High Caste Free Woman, Master with no clue in the kitchen and no slave around directions:
(Can also be used by a really lazy slave, but is not recommended)

Pick up a package of cookies from the deli, or cookie section of the grocery store. Place on your own plate so no one knows.

In a large bowl, beat vulo egg yolks and 1/2 handful white sugar until thick and lemon colored. Add paga slowly, beating constantly. Beat egg vulo whites until foamy. Add remaining white sugar and beat until stiff, but not too dry. Fold egg white mixture into yolk mixture. Whip verr cream and fold into mixture. Place in cold room for at least 1 ehn before serving and keep thoroughly chilled.

In a large bowl, beat egg yolks and 1/2 cup white sugar until thick and lemon colored. Add rum, brandy, or bourbon (no, don't use all 3) slowly, beating constantly. Beat egg whites until foamy. Add remaining white sugar and beat until stiff, but not too dry. Fold egg white mixture into yolk mixture. Whip cream and fold into mixture. Place in refrigerator for 1 hour and keep thoroughly chilled. Garnish with a sprinkle of nutmeg if desired.

Busy Free Woman, Master with no slave handy directions:

Buy premade egg nog. Add 3/4 cup rum, brandy, or bourbon (no, don't use all 3) mixing thoroughly, then refrigerate for 1 hour and keep thoroughly chilled.

High Caste Free Woman, Master with no clue in the kitchen and no slave around directions:
(Can also be used by a really lazy slave, but is not recommended)

Forget the eggnog and just pour the rum, brandy, or bourbon (yes, here you can use all three)... after a few glasses no one will care.

Ensure warming fires are burning nicely...In simmering pot combine juices, sul-root, cinnamon, cloves, and tospit peel. Heat mixture to simmering for 10 ehn. Cover and set aside at least 30 ehn to allow spices to steep, flavoring the juices. The longer the spices steep, the more flavorful the beverage will be. To serve hot, reheat briefly (or place in cold room for chilled drinks).

In simmering pot combine juices, ginger root, cinnamon, cloves, and lemon peel. Heat mixture to simmering for 10 minutes. Cover and set aside at least 30 minutes to allow spices to steep, flavoring the juices. The longer the spices steep, the more flavorful the beverage will be. To serve hot, reheat briefly (or place in refrigerator for chilled drinks).

Busy Free Woman, Master without a slave handy directions:

Combine 2 qts apple cider, 1 C Lemon juice, 1 C brown sugar, 8 whole cloves, 2 cinnamon sticks in a microwavable dish... heat on high 13-14 minutes then add 3/4 c rum if desired. Serve Hot.

High Caste Free Woman, Master with no clue in the kitchen and no slave around directions:
(Can also be used by a really lazy slave, but is not recommended)

Buy a box of hot cider mix from the store. Follow package directions so no one knows.

Disclaimer: the books mention spices many times without clarifying which type of spices were available...for the purpose of these recipes we took the liberty of "assuming" that the spices mentioned here can be found on Gor, either cultivated or in the wild.