Coming out: Telling someone the name for who you are, explaining what your deepest views are. Wow. One wishes it was that easy.

She remembers coming out to her best friend, a woman who refers to herself as an 'orthodox' lesbian. She doesn't hate men, by any means, but she does hate the idea of sleeping with them. In any case, kessia spent a few days talking with her, easing her into the idea, before saying "Ok, I am going to be totally straightforward with you about this", then proceeding to explain that she is a slave, and what that means. The ensuing dead silence emanating from the other end of the phone was enough to make kessia want to snatch back every word she had said. The crashing silence continued, and kessia sighed heavily, hoping that her honesty would not end the deepest friendship of her adult life. Finally, there was a breath and kessia's friend said "But you are so bossy. How can a slave be so bossy?" That one bewildered little question opened up our communication, and made for some new understanding between us; starting with the jitters associated with coming out.

Now why should anyone be jittery about explaining their life? This girl never understood that until she really thought about the ramifications of someone getting a bee in their bonnet about how Master and kessia live their lives. Master could face some real trouble at work, ranging from amused glances to being seriously busted. We could, if it got pushed, end up facing some nosy social worker, and have to prove our fitness as parents. And so on and so forth. She didn't really understand the coming out jitters until kessia thought of all of those things, realizing her friend's advice to be circumspect about coming out was probably based on painful past experience. So far, there have only been two people kessia has told, and only one has actually *seen* how Master and kessia go about their lives. The other one is aware, but would likely consider our usual behavior to be some titillating show put on for her benefit (and for her to gossip about to all of her neighbors), s! o we tone down when she is around, although toning down does not include Master getting his own coffee. [:)]

So, kessia doesn't kneel in front of the neighbors. *Shrug* But does that change anything about who and what she is? Not a bit. Odd isn't it? Coming out, which is little more than labeling oneself, can cause such hoopla and so many issues for other people. Before kessia says anything, she is a housewife who seems very attentive to her husband. After telling someone she is not a wife but a property, it is as if she has suddenly become a whole different person because her focus is on her Master, and not on cleaning for cleaning's sake.

Oddly enough, coming out to people who have no idea of M/s relationships or who have never even heard of John Norman is far easier than coming out as a kajira to those who are in the "scene". The irony of this makes kess hoot with laughter: People who espouse sayings like "your kink is ok too" and go out of their way to make sure everyone knows that as long as your behavior is "consentual" then it is ok, and not to be attacked by others turn into raving freaks as soon as they hear the word Gor. Calm, total "free-thinkers" simply go wiggy as soon as they read third person or hear mention of Gor. All of a sudden, you are a "doormat" and an automaton. A girl has to sit back and laugh at it, or else she risks losing some hard won temper control. Oh yup, kessia is the ultimate doormat. In fact, if anyone has any hints as to how to get those pesky treadmarks out of flesh, she would appreciate it. These same people, who ought to at least be sympathetic about the problems and qua! ndaries involved in telling someone about one's intimate life become only slightly less judgmental than, Judge Dredd having a bad hair day. Of course, not ALL react this way, but calm acceptance tends to be (in kessia's experience) far less usual than the wide open, startled stare followed by the "Oh, you are one of THOSE people." What? Driven to serve? Compelled to obey? Wishing she was more flexible and thinner? Yes, kessia is one of THOSE people.

Soon, kessia will possibly be coming out to another friend and his wife. She has known him for a long while, and he tends to be very accepting and is trustworthy. It will be scary for kessia while she waits to hear whether his reaction is one of disgust (euwww kajira cooties) or if he looks her up and down and says "well, of course you are." And proceeds to act as he always has around her.

One hopes it will be that easy.