A drunk went into a telephone booth and dialed at random. "Salvation Army," was the answer.

"What do you do?" asked the man.

"We save wicked men and women," came the reply.

"Okay, save me a wicked woman for Saturday night."

A proposed revision to the rules of golf is being sought in South Florida which will replace the traditional call of "FORE".

Once a player has hit an errant shot he will be allowed to call "GORE" while the ball is still in flight. He can then replace the ball in the same spot and hit it again.

The player can do this until he is satisfied the ball is going where he intended to hit it in the first place. This will cause the time of play to be extended until such time the player can claim the hole.

This revision is causing some consternation to the PGA but proponents say it is only fair.

A recent test of this new rule was recently played out in an exclusive club in Palm Beach County Florida and the first hole only took 19 days to complete.

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God- given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're all lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.

"Well" said the man, " She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.

"Well," the man replied, "She's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!" So they were wed right away.

Months later the baby was born. When the man visited nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in- law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her."

Q. What's the difference between Al Gore and a puppy?

A. After five weeks, the puppy will open its eyes and stop whining.

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.

The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."

He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.

About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.

"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"

A lady walked into a pharmacy & spoke to the pharmacist. She asked: "Do you have Viagra?"

"Yes," he answered.

She asked, "Does it work?"

"Yes," He answered.

"Can you get it over the counter?" she asked.

"I can if I take two," he answered!

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says "I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes, asshole.

"What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being and her intelligence ? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large, all in the name of humor."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this. Mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"