Alarming Rhetoric        I do believe that we are conditioned from an early age to not only become dependant upon others for many things, but to accept what would be considered very bizarre behavior when looked upon by someone who is not of this culture, or of course, not of this world. In fact, I began thinking of these things during the snooze lulls between the incessant buzz of my alarm clock that irritates me worse that a two inch hemorrhoid when I wipe with cheap toilet paper. I thought to myself, "What would any man on the planet Gor do with that blasted alarm clock." Well, provided the Priest-Kings didn’t ignite the head of the slumbering fellow first for owning the clock, I’d bet it would receive the flat side of a shortsword. But alas, at present, I have no slave with me all days of the week to arouse me in the morning, so I must rely on the pesky thing. Alas… But, here are a few ideas that jumbled their way through my foggy mind during the pre-dawn hours.      There is no book entitled Tax Collectors of Gor, and I think I know why. I recently had to put new tags on my auto, and we'll discuss that in a moment, but for now… taxes. During my morning haze, I thought about going to the County Courthouse and paying my "personal property tax". That's the one that you pay for owning things that particular year. Then it struck me… When I was paid, they took money from me for taxes. When I purchased a particular item, they took money from me in taxes. And now, just because I own the things I purchased… I pay more tax. They don't double dip, they triple dip! The tax collectors on Gor wouldn't get the flat side of the sword, a la the alarm clock, they would meet the business end… I actually smiled when I paid that tax bill yesterday, thinking how nice it would be to run through the revenuer with a bit of steel.      Okay, so the taxes were a bit of a drag, but the day before it was even a bit more interesting. Imagine Tarl Cabot riding a kaiila into Turia, only to have a guard note that the animal had no sticker, and needed inspection. And then, upon inspection, the kaiila mechanic tells Tarl, "I'm sorry fellow, this animal has a testicle that hasn't lowered, and it's unsafe to ride him in Turia." Then he gives Tarl the option of paying him to fix the animal, attempting to get the testicle to drop himself, or not riding the animal at all. Many Goreans may take option ‘D’, which would be running a sword through the inspector and leaving the city… That thought helped me when I wrote the check to the guy for replacing the muffler on my car, but it did occur to me how bizarre it is to have others responsible for our safety inspections. Sure, he noticed that I had a headlight out, too, but I'm sure I would have discovered that as well… at least by the time the other one burned out. That bulb, incidentally, I replaced myself.       Speaking of replacements, I am considering trading in my son's newly acquired kitten for a model that does not find my bed linens more attractive than his litterbox. That's right, during one of my mid snooze button slumbers, a happy little furball excreted more urine on my bed than a 300 pound Tuchuk who has paid his cover at an all-you-can-drink paga party. As I was pulling the blankets and sheets off my bed, I realized why Norman had excluded pets from his fantasy world… Oh yes, there are nitwits who run around on IRC with their "pet" larls, not realizing that they would torn limb from limb by the animals. And yes, there are animals that are trained for the use of humans… but domesticated? Not really. In fact, I think the sleen has six legs so that it could claw up furniture in one-third less time if it were made into some kind of house cat. It's certainly something to consider when you find one of those six toe cats…      Well, I am heading for the proverbial furs, since it is well past time. With the deadline approaching, I wonder if something will hit me in the morning that will be of enough consequence to delete this paragraph and continue rambling about various thoughts that seem to be striking me at that time of day. If you read this, you’ll know that I had pleasant dreams and a wonderful wake-up... I would wait until the week-end and see if anymore thoughts come to me, but I don’t need to awaken at any particular time, and I’ll have a happy little slut to wake me if I do.