By kaylee{G}

Running on Empty

Originally, this article was going to be about some other aspect of service and surrender. But this month has really prompted kaylee to look at something that she experiences from time to time. She knows she is not alone in this because she’s witnessed other friends go through similar experiences. It is her hope that it may speak to some of the Slave Heart readers as well, particularly with the upcoming holiday season.

kaylee’s center of focus is her owner and her service to him, and she maintains that focus as much as she can. At times, she has to take the time to remind herself to make sure that she is functioning in peak condition. In juggling service, chores, and day-to-day life, sometimes the task of “taking care of herself” ends up being pushed back lower and lower on that neverending list of things to do. It’s not intentional, it just is one of those things that can easily be overlooked because there always seem to be more important things to do. The result can be burnout, stress, exhaustion, reduced focus, illness- all consequences which can not only carry a negative effect on her service, but can possibly affect her overall health.

When she is talking about taking care of herself, it can be as simple as making sure she gets enough sleep, vitamins, a balanced healthy diet, exercise and water. It can be making sure she has a chance to relax and let go of stress, even taking a small mental break before moving on to tackle the next task. Or it can be recognizing when she is feeling ill and instead of working non-stop through it and possibly making the illness linger on longer than usual, she tries to make sure her owner is aware of it. That way, she gets the kind of treatment, be it rest, fluids, medicine, or a doctor’s visit, that her owner feels she needs for a swift recovery.

It makes logical sense that one would do that. And to many who read this, it will seem very simple. But the reality for kaylee is that at times, she is focused on things other than herself. And prior to being property, it didn’t matter if she chose to wear herself down. She would keep it to herself if she felt tired, stressed, overextended or sick. She would just plow ahead to accomplish whatever needed to be done- and worry about the burnout later. But now, she’s had to adjust her mindset to the idea that she is someone else’s commodity, and it is not her place to decide whether or not to ignore her well being.

Ideally, kaylee would love to be able to do *everything* to serve her owner. But the reality is- she can only do so much. Being stressed, burned out or under the weather is aggravating to her because it can make her duties that much harder, a chance that her performance is not up to par, and even prevent her from serving him the way she would like- and more importantly, serving him the way he would like her to serve.

But what she can do, what she is learning to do... is to speak with her owner to find out what acceptable ways she can take measures to prevent what she can. She can ask him how he wishes her to keep herself healthy and follow his wishes with the same devotion and sense of priority that she takes with any of the other tasks he commands of her. She can make sure that she keeps track of when her next physical or dental appointment should be, and let him know when those times are coming up. She can keep track of other indicators such as body fat or blood pressure if that is what he wants. She can also learn to let things go when he tells her to relax, instead of thinking of all the things that are waiting for her. She can ask him for some time to relax, meditate or just have a short “mental break” after a particularly grueling task- and she can be accepting if he decides that right now is not the best time to do so, but later on she will be allowed that time. She can communicate better to let her owner know when she is feeling ill or needs assistance in prioritizing the project load, and to not feel that she is somehow less effective, for sometimes feeling the burden is heavier than at other times.

While he may make decisions that she may or may not agree with, she can rest easier knowing that she is serving how he sees fit. But she no longer has the privilege of choosing to wear down the body and spirit that he owns, or to put herself last on the things to do list at the expense of her health or well being. She is serving him by providing him with needed information, and having him decide what manner is best to proceed. She is serving him by keeping what he owns in the best condition it can be in.

It’s not about shirking her duties. It is about preventing things that will negatively affect her service to him. It is about finding a way to keep his property functioning at her best and still excel at the tasks he sets before her. And it is very much about finding that way while maintaining her place at his feet.

And most importantly, she is starting to understand how all encompassing it is to serve the man who owns her. Just as he expects her to care for his home or his possessions, so she is charged with the task of taking proper care of his human property.

Until next month, she wishes you well.
-kaylee{G}

kaylee has been the household property of Gabriel for over five years, and together they have shared their passion for writing on his website: www.gor-on-earth.com. Future topics, suggestions, feedback, and questions are always welcome. kaylee can be contacted at: kaylee@gor-on-earth.com