I hope everyone had a very good summer and enjoyed the sunshine  Free women and slaves This month I will discuss the touchy subject of free women, slaves and the interaction between the two. Let me start by saying that the following is by no means inclusive of *all* free women nor of *all* slaves. The growing gap There's always been a gap between free women and slaves when it comes to understanding the other. Lately though, it seems that gap is growing by leaps and bounds. Much to my chagrin, I've noticed that in order not to be linked in any way shape or form to slaves, some free women totally distance themselves from slaves by saying such things as "they could not relate/identify/or understand anything about slaves". Shutting the door on the fact that someone might mistakenly accuse them of being slaves (Something a Gorean man might still do, regardless of her attempts to separate herself from slaves.) On the other side, there are those free women get deeply involved with slaves, treating them as peers, especially when there are no men around. (Let me make clear here that I do not refer to any special friendship that may have grown between a free woman and a slave, but of being over friendly with *all* slaves). Both reactions are a bit extreme, in my opinion, and contribute to the growing (rift) strife between the two groups. Respect for the free, earning the respect of slaves. One of the hardest thing for a free woman to attain on Gor, is the respect of the men. Yet, it's almost as hard to obtain the respect of slaves. (notwithstanding, the myth that slaves owe respect to all, for we all know respect must be earned). Both men and slaves withhold this respect for different reasons. Men withhold it mostly until you have proven your claim in calling yourself a free woman. Slaves withhold respect mostly for the simple reason…we do not act *free* with *them* we act *freely*. It has been my observation that while a free woman will act free when with men; a lot of them forgo or forget to act the *free* part with slaves. And this is where trouble brews beneath the surface…. In perusing the various boards this past month, I've notice the posts that once again claim "all women" are equal and the same… and these posts usually come from slaves who've grown to think there is *no* difference between free and slaves. Who's to blame? Some would say "men" are to blame… I say… we are to blame. How can we expect slaves to think we are different when we do not show them the difference? When (when no men are around) we let our hair down so far, as to talk of our most personal and private things… when we stoop to things like gossiping with slaves and sharing our sexual preferences or even sexual encounters. Then, acting all prim and proper when a man comes around. How can you then expect them to respect you? Furthermore, how do you think you can earn the respect of a man, if you can't even earn the respect of a slave? There are several detrimental attitudes that I've seen causing us to lose ground. and status, in a slave's eyes. There are also those actions which cause slaves to view us as confidantes, friends and sisters of sorts. And, while there is nothing wrong with this, per se, when they only view you *as* that and forget or push aside the fact that you are a free woman, trouble slips in. Gossip Many a free woman will shun the company of other free women to spend time gossiping with slaves in order to gain information about either her peers or about the men with whom slaves interact. Going as far in some cases as to add their own bits of gossip to the brew. And when I say gossip I do mean gossip "do you know what so and so did…" etc.… I've learned one thing in life. When someone gossips to you about someone else, once your back is turned, you are automatically the next "choice" piece of gossip. Think about it. Lack of consistency As an unspoken rule, free women fear and fail to correct slaves when they err, make mistakes or are disrespectful. This is due, in part, to the fact that most of us feel most men regard such actions as being "overreacting" or we are "abusing" the slaves on purpose. What happens when you let a slave get away with something… once, twice or thrice? She (like any other human being) takes that for granted and comes to expect to get away with it… I could say the same thing about free women. For the record… let us get away with things and we will take them for granted. Corrections, intervention, criticism and punishment Coming from a free woman the above are seldom welcomed by a slave. I have found that much depends on how the slaves feel towards free women and there are a couple of categories I will divide them into. There are many reasons why a free woman corrects a slave and there are many reasons why a slave balks at this… it all boils down to (in general) to the two parties involved. 1- Equals (all women are slaves). This belief is more widespread then one may think from interacting with slaves. Many hold the belief (due in large part, in my opinion, to the attitudes of free women themselves) that there's no difference between slave and free women. From this perception, it's impossible for them to accept any form of criticism from free women, since they put us all on the same level… rather like children don't listen to other children. For the record some free women hold the above opinion also… they just think all slaves are free. I would like to add my own personal perception of this phenomenon. Those women who believe they are not Goreans. There are two types of Gorean women, free and slave. To adhere to either group is to make sacrifices and those who would have us believe there is no difference are just not willing to make those sacrifices on either side of the fence. 2- Friends Free women that are viewed as friends by the slaves are not expected (by the slaves) to react and correct them should they err… it seems that slaves in that situation expect more support from their friends and are hurt when this is not so. And free women that consider slaves as their friends and do not reprimand them when they err, are doing their *friends* a great disservice in my opinion. 3- Jealousy & Rivals Do I really need to explain this? Two women both competing for one man's affections are bound to see each other's wrongs, especially if they are not on the same level. 4- Fear Free women fear the reproach of men should they correct slaves and therefore refrain from doing so, letting the abuse and disrespect grow until it blows up in their faces. So do we or do we not correct slaves? I can't answer that question for everyone. I do know that *I* see nothing wrong with it. I have come under the suspicions of men and slaves alike for correcting them. But then I've also come under suspicions for defending them. The only advice I can offer is this: Free women… there is no shame in correcting a slave for an obvious mistake, error and /or disrespect. Just be sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Slaves… sometimes a correction is only that… a correction… no hidden agendas… no hidden motives. Mutual respect. Many people will tell you a slave does not deserve respect and should not be respected. I would of course disagree. I do not speak from a man's point of view but from a woman's. I sincerely hold many of the slaves I frequent in high regards even if I do not wish to be a slave… I hold them in this regard when I recognize in them that which they claim to be, slaves. The invisible line There is a time and a place for everything… I don't think I can stress enough the fact that at all times you must retain your dignity as a free woman… I do have lots of meaningful conversations with slaves… but I am always aware of the line between us and that *I* am the one that has a lot more to lose should I cross it… And believe me, I've come close to crossing it on a couple of occasions only to be brought up short by the slaves themselves, "this is not something a slave should be discussing with free people"… "A slave will not give her personal opinions on a free person to a free person"… when you receive comments like these from a slave you have to stop and think. What does it all mean? Does it mean you can not be friends with slaves? No, as I said in the beginning some of us have some deeper interactions with some slaves then mere online liking. But you know what? Those that do can see the difference between having a friendship with a slave, being a confidante to a slave or just simply being there for a slave… as opposed to rallying to all slaves just to prove a point. As a matter of fact… it's called using people, it's not friendship and in most case it's not even liking… So once more I will urge us all, to think carefully about why we do the things we do. Are you doing it to be liked? To impress? And is it worth it….? As usual, I wish all of you a splendid month.